[Note: Contains Republican-spin suggestions and attempted humor.]
Before editorial writers across America get all discombobulated about the recently released memos that allegedly prove that the United States used extreme interrogation (should that be spelled "interror-gation"?) methods and that constituted the commission of war crimes, shouldn't all Patriotic American pundits first establish if the so called memos were written on the very same typewriter that provided Dan Rather with his "proof" that President Bush went AWOL during his time of service in the Air National Guard? Isn't the fact that Tuesday will be Ben and Jerry's "free cone" day of much greater importance to all Patriotic American pundits such as the one writing this weekly installment from "the World's Laziest Journalist"?
Patriotic Americans know that some aspects of warfare (such as the function of "Pine Gap" and the top secret hush-hush World War II Habakkuk Project) must be kept secret so that the enemy won't be able to sabotage such efforts.
Hellfire, boys and girls, if the Democrats are going to go nuts over the assertion that if the Germans and Japanese were convicted of war crimes for doing what Bush sanctioned, that means that Bush was a war criminal is a logical conclusion; then let's just have the conservative majority U. S. Supreme Court overturn the Nuremberg convictions! Without the embarrassing president, there will be no reason to play parlor games about inescapable logical conclusions and that will take the wind out of the Democrats' sails.
It's like the old puzzler: If God can do anything; can he make a rock so big that he can't lift it? The Americans are the good guys and the idea that some intelligence gathering by professional interrogators constitutes a "war crime" is just as absurd as the aforementioned theological "riddle."
Heck those methods had to be used to win the war on terror (which Bush did) and knowing that they were necessary brings up another point: why aren't the various police departments in the USA permitted to use a harmless waterboarding session (or two) in the war on crime?
Have the dumb Democrats, who think that just because the United States established war policies at the Nuremburg Trials, they must follow them; ever heard of the boxing technique called a feint punch or the legendary chess move called the "ghost knight gambit"? The idea at Nuremburg was to shame others out of doing what was OK, so that in the future others would be fighting wars with the USA at a disadvantage, wasn't it?
In their lead editorial on Saturday, April 18, 2009, the Los Angeles Times thundered: "Almost as shocking as the document's catalog of cruelties are the Orwellian arguments with which their authors rationalized waterboarding, the withholding of food and other violations of human dignity." Did they give the names of two people who can swear it was done to them, to the factcheckers, so that those wild assertions could be substantiated?
While the Democrats media dupes fill the air with eloquent (Pulitzer Prize time coming up soon) righteous indignation about the gathering of necessary intelligence for America in the war on terror, Patriotic American pundits will turn their attention to other more important topics such as: The music festival at Coachella, the race in Long Beach, the gathering of hippies (the Sixties are over boys and girls) in Berkeley to celebrate the People's Park's 40th birthday this coming week, - why heck even the specialized graffiti sneakers for sale on Telegraph Avenue, are of much more relevance to the true Americans who will be ignoring all the ducky lucky reaction to a few innocuous interoffice memos from the past.
Didn't Journalism legends Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein establish that newspaper reporters are supposed to be unbiased observers and no propagandists pushing their interpretations off on a gullible and vulnerable audience? So why are all the "this proves Bush was a war criminal" stealth editorials being inserted into the news stories about some old government paperwork?
When President George W. Bush was in office, there wasn't a single hint that anything untoward was happening in the White House, but now that a Democrat is in charge, the lapdogs are anxiously trying to outdo each other in their vicious (partisan) disapproval of President Obama's other party predecessor.
Quote of the week. Groucho Marx (AKA "43") once said: "This morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got there; I'll never know."
Now, the disk jockey will play Groucho Marx's hit song "Hello, I Must Be Going" while you listen to that, I must be going. Have a "Night at the Opera" type week.
