You don't walk to the microphone and automatically become a great comic or conman. It takes years of practice. Try saying, "Protocols were in place and followed," forty-four times in a single press briefing to explain the choice not to interrupt President Bush's bike ride to tell him that the Capital, and his home, might be under terrorist attack. Not once did McClellan break character. If there be one problem with that bit was that McClellan broke the comedy rule of threes.
Punchline. Better punch line. Best punchline.
His classic Valerie Plame-outing routine would show he was to get better.
Good: "(Rove and Libby are) good individuals, they're important members of our White House team, and that's why I spoke with them, so that I could come back to you and say that they were not involved,"
Better: "I'd like to answer but I can't address anything that's an ongoing investigation."
Best: "The most powerful leader in the world had called upon me to speak on his behalf and help restore credibility he lost amid the failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. So I stood at the White house briefing room podium in front of the glare of the klieg lights for the better part of two weeks and publicly exonerated two of the senior-most aides in the White House: Karl Rove and Scooter Libby. There was one problem. It was not true. I had unknowingly passed along false information. And five of the highest ranking officials in the administration were involved in my doing so: Rove, Libby, the vice President, the President's chief of staff, and the president himself."
Not exactly the comic angst of Richard Lewis, but still, hilarious.
And don't think the ladies of Press Secretary Standup are any less adept at tearin' up the joint. Take newcomer, Dana Perino, the Elayne Boosler of PS world. "We are pursuing a diplomatic solution in Iran." Perino, defending the White House over a Seymour Hersh article claiming that Bush was planning war with Iran.
Subtle. Gives credit to her audience for catching her call back to President Bush's classic "Iran diplomatic solution," set. Not up there with Sarah Silverstein...yet. But with a couple more good Saturday spots at the PS Improv, she'll understand that tagging it with "Saying that, all options are on the table," makes a good joke, a great one.
Those who think that McClellan is some kind of Johnny "Come Lately" Stewart, check out his March 22, 2004, set, referring to Richard Clarke, former Bush chief counter-terrorism adviser who had skewered the Bush White House in a book after he had resigned.
"Why, all of a sudden, if he had all these grave concerns, did he not raise these sooner? This is one-and-a-half years after he left the administration. And now, all of a sudden, he's raising these grave concerns that he claims he had. And I think you have to look at some of the facts. One, he is bringing this up in the heat of a presidential campaign. He has written a book and he certainly wants to go out there and promote that book."
Comedy? Nay, genius.
Well, I'm getting the light. Let me just say that you are the best press conference I've had...since last press conference. But I tellya.
Goodnight everyone. Remember to tip your agents
Former standup and award-winning TV writer, Steve Young, is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful"(www.greatfailure.com). Owning The Philadelphia Comedy Works he found press secretaries by far the most derivative open stagers.
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