It wasn't just the
chicken. On every product with a global price point, the meat was watered. One
Tyson pork loin admitted it was thirty percent water.
What's up with this?
Well, for enabling,
we have to take our hats off to bi-partisanship. Like other examples of
duoperation, such as the Iraq War, our dependence on oil and the deregulation
of finance, the water in my chicken has been brought to my table courtesy of
the grease being spread on both sides of the "aisle . What's a little water
anyway?
Some people diet for
reasons other than vanity. They have serious reasons for watching what they
eat. They're sick, and could get sicker real fast if they eat the wrong thing.
I checked out the label on a well known brand of turkey. It was only eight percent "water", but the "water , besides the usual chemical suspects,
contained sugar. The label still said zero carbs. It was made with sugar, and
still had zero carbs - a miracle of modern technology. This is how the asleep
at the wheel crowd could kill someone (not to mention ruin my diet fantasy).
How do they get the water into those birds?
When did all this start?
If we could go back to the day and peek over
the fence, we might see all the high paid execs lining the edges of the pool.
Mr. Perdue is floating on a cushion. A column with no end in sight carries the
chickens into the hands of the Great Plucker. Then, with scientific precision
and ergonomic efficiency, it is determined just how long Frank has to hold each
one underwater (on a per pound basis). I'll leave figuring out how they do the
pigs to you.
They call it "dope
for a reason. Who could be dumber than a doper? Well, while that's hard to say
precisely, I would venture to guess I never met even the most flipped out freak
that was so stupid as to buy wet grass. Everyone knows, or so I thought, that
watering products was a scam. Can we imagine the gourmet class, the all-natural
types, standing at the scale at the upscale organic rip-off market while some
smiling face pours water over the nuts, herbs, and other savory spices? How
about the hunter carting off a soaking wet sack of deer corn? Yet, while we are
laughing at the bong crowd, most of the meat and fowl (foul?) we are eating has
been watered.
It takes a queer duck
indeed to pay for a watered bird.
I had to give up my diet. You can't stay on a
low carb regimen when all the no carbs you can afford have been diluted with
sugary concoctions that are allowed to be called water. Time for a drink.
This bright moment
occurred one evening while I was walking past a "lounge . It was a swanky
joint, but since it was casual Friday, they let me in with the other riffraff.
Better yet, it was happy hour. A glass of tap was only a dollar, so I ordered a
few to wash down the Wild Turkey. They were even giving away food.
"Bartender?
"Yes sir.
"Could I have an
order of wings please?
"Yes Sir.
"And bartender".
"Yes Sir?
"With those
wings".I'll take the water on the side.
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