Of course napkins were play things and forks and knives were to be used as he pleased. Adolf had no more a sense of table manners than he had knowledge of an inside voice. I felt genuinely sorry for Adolf because the world is going to grind him down to a nub. "No" is the most common word that we hear in life, so it is best to get used to hearing it early on. My heart went out to Adolf's family because of all the suffering and embarrassment they would endure at the hands of this little tyrant. Instead of teaching him to operate in the world, they were trying to protect him from it and dooming him to failure in it. In fact, they would have been better parents if they had chained him up under the porch, because as it was they were doing him no good. For years after I could hold up a Marie Callender frozen entree in the grocery store and my wife would knowingly smile.
I am not a mathematician but I do so wonder what the formula would be. How many "Johnny, don'ts" are equal to one swat on the butt? Not to beat your child, but to explain to your child in the language that they will understand, we are your parents, we are in charge and you will do as you are told or else. Children are smart, they can spot an idle threat a mile off, and so you get, "Johnny, don't. Don't, Johnny. Don't make me have to tell you again. If you do that one more time I'll..." Little Johnny is smarter than you; he knows you won't do squat. If you do he'll throw a tantrum and storm off to his room; that'll teach you! "Oh, I hope we didn't hurt his feelings."
Baby Bubba came into my life when he was about thirteen. He was quiet and relatively well-mannered, except that you could never say no to Baby Bubba. A group of us went to Six Flags and after about three hours Baby Bubba decided that he had a tummy ache and wanted to go home. So we canceled our entertainment, not to mention our money, to take Baby Bubba home. Bubba quickly felt better once in the car, so much better in fact that he wanted to stop for ice cream on the way home. I refused. I explained to Baby Bubba that ice cream is hard on your stomach, and since he had been ill we'd better not.
A few years later we were finishing my brother-in-law's basement. I've worked around construction most of my life and built garages and added onto houses. My father-in-law had fifty years of experience in the building trades. Baby Bubba had two semesters in masonry trade school. He disappeared early in the project and his mother asked me later, "What did they say to Baby Bubba? He said he was being picked on when he was only trying to help." You see, grown men not making a high school sophomore the general foreman on the job was the equivalent of 'picking on him.'
Baby Bubba was very intelligent and could have done well in school. When you asked if his homework was done the answer was always, "Yes." But at school conferences there were zeroes for homework assignments missed. Baby Bubba would explain that away as the teacher lost it or forgot to change it when he turned it in late. Anything and everything was the answer - except that Bubba didn't do it.
Finally a senior in high school, Baby Bubba needed to pass English or he would not graduate with his class. And do you what that low down teacher did? He failed him by two lousy points. His mother was irate after already purchasing his cap and gown, so she went to the school to straighten them out. There had to be a mistake, to keep a kid from graduating for two lousy points.
But when his mother met with the teacher he showed her the list of incomplete assignments. Also the missed tests that the teacher had offered to allow Baby Bubba to make up. There were offers of extra credit assignments that went by the wayside. So on the day of the final exam Baby Bubba failed by two points and the teacher felt no further obligation to try and assist him any further.
I tried until my strength gave out; yet I was seen as hard and unfair on Baby Bubba. So what if he forgets to flush the toilet or wash his hands? So what if he doesn't use a napkin or eats with his hands? Through it all the message was never received. I wasn't picking on Bubba; I was trying to help him. Someday he is going to be invited to some girl's house for supper and her parents are going to be shocked and appalled, not so much at Baby Bubba's performance, but by the performance of Baby Bubba's parents.
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