Even though the identification of five stages makes the process of grieving a loss of love seem straightforward, there is a catch-22. We can temporarily move forward, but then fall back to an earlier stage in the process. Because of this possibility, the listing and numbering of the five stages of the process makes them appear to be more linear than they may be in our actual experience of the process.
Along the way of explaining the five stages, Susan Anderson works in an abundance of fascinating information about our brains and about how specific parts of our brains work. As fascinating as all that information is, I am going to skip over it.
For my present purposes in this essay about the loss of political love, the most important part of her book is the preface where she defines and explains what abandonment is. So I am going to quote her.
"Abandonment is about loss of love itself, that crucial loss of connectedness" (page 1).
"Sometimes it is lingering grief caused by old losses" (page 1). How many among us have no old losses?
"Abandonment is a psychobiological process" (page 2). As a result, there is no way around it. The only way is to go through the process. If we somehow managed not to go through the process, then our loss of love remains unresolved. To resolve our loss of love, we will have to go through the process of grief sooner or later.
" . . . the pain you are feeling is real" (page 2).
"Only by giving yourself over to your feelings can you find your way out of them" (page 2). Once again, there is no way around grief. The only way to proceed is to work through the process of grief.
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