All pigs currently in quarantine are to be treated hogmanely, provided with proper nutrition, recreation, pens and slop, and shall be released within 72 symptom-free hours.
We demand that you develop a vaccine to protect us, as well as yourselves, from this scourge.
Effective immediately, pigs are to be allotted one half of all available Tamiflu.
This terrible flu has brought out the ugliest in human behavior, but it is not the only injury we have suffered at your hands. Your insults predate this current crisis and must end now.
We particularly resent your use of the word "porker" as an epithet for overweight humans. While we sympathize with the real epidemic that is disfiguring and decimating your population-grotesque, excess flab-we must strenuously object to your misuse of that word.
Pigs are properly sized, and pork is, as you know, lean meat. Calling a misshapen, overlarge human a "porker" is yet another gratuitous insult, absolutely without foundation in fact. Please desist from using it.
You may, however, refer to an overweight human as a "fat pig." We call you that ourselves.
Yours in mammalian solidarity,
Augustus "Pinky" Pinkerton
Chairhog: Porcine International Goodwill Society.
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