A $50.00 cash per diem for a 48 hour stay out of town might have covered one room service breakfast costing forty two dollars and twenty three cents including service charge, tax and the included 18% gratuity, so eating may or may not have been an option for the other five meals, had I decided to go.
I may or may not have seen Minneapolis' own "Fancy Ray McCloney - The Best Lookin' Man in Comedy" in all his self-indulgent, yet irrepressively engaging "Little Richard-esque" splendor prancing about the waiting area backstage for the cameras before his appointed stage time followed by his swearing, stomping return with trailing rumors of an onstage near fight with judge David Hasselhoff after "Fancy Ray" refused to exit following receiving his three "X's".
While I would have been waiting to perform I could have seen four grown men in ten foot blow-up sports mascot suits after jumping and stomping, wiggling their little arms and butting heads with each other for their allotted 90 seconds onstage to the delight of their youthful audience being moved on to the next round despite Sharon Osbourne's vociferous objections.
I could have had the opportunity to step in front of a bloodthirsty crowd salaciously antagonized into a piranhaic feeding frenzy as only that faustian master of schadenfreude himself, host and national domestic violence inspirer Jerry Springer could lustily arouse in them.
Maybe Sharon Osbourne would have buzzed me simply for my introducing myself as a mime. Maybe the audience of around a thousand teens and "20-somethings" well into their fourth hour of free attendance would have taken her artistic bigotry lead and adopted a hackneyed anti-mime grudge before I even started.
I do know for certain that if I had endured such an abusive experience of being publicly deemed "not Las Vegas material" by a cast of "judges" whose careers were built upon respectively:
(a) gratuitous bouncing breasts semi-restrained in scanty red bikinis
(b) being married to and enabling a drug addicted rock-n-roller who bit the heads off of live bats
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