Patience is a virtue for the amateur birder. There may be times when you must stand frozen and knee-locked for a good 50 minutes or more in order to witness the courtship display of the Fronged Picadilly, or catch a glimpse of the secretive female Conical-Faced Burf devouring her young. But it's well worth it.
A birder should be in tip top condition, for many hours will be spent hunkered down in spiny thicket or trampling through knee deep bogs or nearly impenetrable clumps of poison ivy and bramble. Snake or poisonous bug bites are not uncommon so always prepare accordingly. Some nesting females have been known to attack the amateur birder and bird outings are not without their casualties.
Just last month a new birder lost an eye and her right hand while attempting to place a baby bird which had fallen from the nest back into the cavity. Unfortunately, it was the nest of the nasty Razorbilled Snipe who instinctively pecked and severed until she was satisfied that her tiny offspring were safe. Fortunately, this amateur birder is back at it after a full recovery and says her injuries were a small price to pay at the chance of seeing the elusive Razorbilled Snipe, the very bird at the top of her Life List! Now that's a real amateur birder! Go get 'em, Judy!
Many birders are able to attract our avian friends by perfecting their bird calls. Some are highly successful at this and are able to call down scores of birds at any given time. It's not unusual to see a good bird caller covered with a dozen or more birds. The trick to this is not to flinch or make a sudden move once the birds are alighting on your person. You must stand perfectly still and remember never to blink or swallow. These birds are your trusting friends until you make that one critical mistake.
Remember, if a bird sees you swallow, it assumes that it is to be your lunch. Panic and fear set in. often, you will be forewarned of the bird's sudden fear as they will begin to growl and the feathers on the backs of their necks will bristle. It is time to take the defensive. Scream. If only a couple of birds are on your person and become frightened, chances are they will simply fly away to safety. However, if you are covered with many tiny, flying dinosaurs whom you've frightened terribly, there is little chance you will come out unscathed.
The worst that can happen is you will be pecked and bitten to the point where blood may be drawn and you'll be sore for a couple of days. Big woop. At the very least, you will be so soiled by these tiny, frightened avians, you will not be allowed to ride back with the other amateur birders and may find yourself miles from the nearest sign of civilization.
If you'd like to attend one of the many bird calling technique workshops, sign up far in advance as this is one of the more popular classes offered to the new amateur birder.
THE ARMCHAIR BIRDER
If all of this seems just a bit too engrossing or intimidating to you, yet you'd like to learn a limited amount about these winged delights, may I suggest the following reading: Birding Made Simple for the Couch Potato; Our Wing-ed Friends, by J.R. Limpkin, fascinating reading by a man who was actually maimed by the Mountain Redneck who slammed into the side of his head at twenty five miles per hour; Those Feathered Beasts, also by J.R. Limpkin, the sequel to Our Wing-ed Friends; the fun and anecdotal paperback, If It Flies By You It's Probably A Bird, If It Drops On Your Shoulder It's Probably A Turd; and finally, The Bird as Dessert, exciting ways to prepare birds snatched from your feeders into delectable flambes, meringues, cheesecakes, and a 1-2-3 recipe for small birds in puff pastry.
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