Mr. O'Bomber added that he would have no hesitation in invading what he called Yeahman if members of Al Qaeda congregated there, as is being reported. "Look, he said, "they tell me that there are only 100 members of Al Qaeda left in Goniffstan. That's good. It will enable us to destroy large swaths of the country without strong opposition. It will also enable us to invade Pakistan to kill the rest of the Al Qaedas without large numbers of American soldiers being tied down in Goniffstan. The government of Pakistan welcomes an invasion, he said. "It has publicly made a statement saying "We welcome the U.S. invasion. Please bring in 50,000 heavily armed American troops with destructive artillery and fighter bombers.
The President added that "they also tell me that lots of Al Qaedas are now going to Yeahman to regroup, instead of to Pakistan. Yeah man, that's perfect. We will be able to invade both Pakistan and Yeahman. Yeah man, that's great.
Your reporter mentioned that, unlike the government of Pakistan, the government of Yeahman had not said it will welcome an invasion. "Look, he replied, "that is no problem. We will simply give them a lot of money. It works in Chicago. It works with Congressmen. Why wouldn't it work with the Yeahmanis. (Subsequently, the government of Yeahman sent an official diplomatic protest at being compared to Chicago or Congressmen.)
President O'Bomber also commented on the (lightly reported) fact that he had told cadets at West Point that Viet Nam is a flawed historical analogy. When I asked him why he thought so, he forthrightly said, "Damned if I know. But then he elaborated a bit on why there could be no analogy. "Look, he said, "my military advisers, starting with General Cristol, tell me that Viet Nam and Goniffstan are thousands of miles from each other. So there obviously can be no analogy. What's more, we were unable to create a government worthy of the name in South Viet Nam. The government there was so bad that we had to allow a coup in which the Diem brothers were killed. Ho, Ho, Ho. But now we are able to create stable, solid government in Goniffstan that all the citizens well love, like in Iraq. So there can be no analogy. Anyway, as I said, Viet Nam and Goniffstan are thousands of miles apart.
Oh, I almost forgot, he said, "there is another reason why the analogy between Viet Nam and Goniffstan is seriously flawed. In regard to Viet Nam, the American government made terrible, anti-historical mistakes without giving serious thought to the problem. Here we are making terrible anti-historical mistakes after thinking about the problem. We even thought about it extensively. These facts make all the difference. Look, it's one thing to be idiotic without thinking about something. It's another thing to be idiotic after thinking about it. So there can be no historical analogy.
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