In a stunning development, large masses of hot air, not coming from Washington are blocking the jet stream, forcing it south, creating both ultra-cold and snowy winters and ultra-wet and tornado prone (tornadic) springs and summers.
Where are these huge masses of lethal hot air coming from? NOAA satellites have tracked the origins of these unprecedented high-pressure systems to gigantic congregations of Tea Party faithful screaming in unison, like the bellows of an old-fashioned furnace, that global warming is a Conspiracy. What a relief. Our Savior has blamed Us, the Faithful, for just being too Loud and Obnoxious and NOT the ridiculous, Satanic Hoax of man-made global warming for this evil destruction. Maybe if we just Shut Up...
Climate scientists have long predicted our jet stream would move north in a warming scenario, but they did not take into account the sheer volume of hot air the Tea Party was capable of, creating giant high-pressure cells that block the jet stream, causing it to dip south instead, driving arctic cold into the Holy Lands of Hotness and Humidity, creating giant circulating Clashes of the Titans between Cold Dryness and Hot Wetness, something the Faithful just did not expect. My but the Lord moves in Mysterious Ways.
Of course there is no evidence these hot air masses are caused by (chuckle) increased carbon dioxide.
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