Late on a foggy winter night in Washington, D.C., two teenagers found an unidentified body, half-buried near the CapitolBuilding. The victim was male, with the cryptic letters HC RFRM carved into his forehead.
When he was called by the precinct, Detective Joe Lieberman was eating matzoh ball soup and a knish. He told the Chief that he couldn't make it because it was Shabbat, and he was praying for peace in the world, except for a few countries he didn't like.
Det. John Boehner was called next, but he was in a booth at a tanning salon and could not be reached.
Det. Arlen Spector was called, but he was in the midst of a therapy session for his identity crisis.
Det. Olympia Snowe was called but she couldn't make up her mind whether or not she could go.
Det. John Ensign was called but he was hiking in the Appalachians with Det. David Vitter, and thus they were both unreachable.
Det. Jim DeMint was called, but he was at an undisclosed location, trying to stuff $500,000 in one-hundred dollar bills into his clothes.
Since none of them could get to the scene, Detective Michele Bachmann and Detective Nancy Pelosi showed up with the coroner. Bachmann and Pelosi gave the body a cursory examination, looking for clues, although Det. Bachmann did not appear to be that enthusiastic. Bachmann said the man was dead, but Pelosi disagreed.
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