Here we stand aggressively destroying our planet while
passively letting it happen. We simply don't have a lot of insight into two primitive
aspects of our mental and emotional functioning--aggression and passivity.
Certainly we need some amount of aggression--make that healthy aggression--in order to thrive
and to secure our place in the world. An aggressive approach to work and
sports, for instance, typically produces more pleasure and success than a
passive approach.
Yet people are likely to produce reactive or unhealthy
aggression such as anger, resentment, and cynicism as much as the healthy
variety. Along with overflows of reactive aggression, we also exhibit overdoses
of passivity. How else can we explain our tolerance of a growing surveillance
state, our acceptance of banking cabals, our weakness for mass marketing and propaganda,
and our sedation by pharmaceuticals and an entertainment complex?
Our entanglement in reactive aggression--whether
physical, verbal, or in our thoughts--arises out of our unconscious temptation
to entertain emotionally the feeling of being powerless. We're tempted to act
belligerently (or cheer on those who do) because we're determined to cover up a
weakness that we're reluctant to face, namely our emotional entanglement in
fear, insecurity, passivity, and self-doubt.
For instance, the desire to possess assault weapons and
large ammunition clips, as opposed to a hunting rifle, is all about seizing an
opportunity, out of inner passivity,
to experience spell-binding sensations of power.
The essential point is this: much of our aggression is
phony and self-defeating because it's mustered up as a psychological defense to
cover up our readiness to experience situations as if we're being controlled,
dominated, or otherwise victimized. Through unconscious psychological defenses
we make claims to this effect: "I don't want to feel controlled and passive. On
the contrary, I hate it. Look at how much I enjoy feeling powerful." Or, "Look
at how aggressive I get when someone tries to control me."
Typically, we later feel guilty for inappropriate or
over-the-top aggression, just as we also do for more subdued passive-aggressive
reactions such as forgetting or ignoring the requests of others or being vague
and non-committal. (Many people unconsciously make passive-aggressive behaviors
a way of life.)
Just as appearing aggressive has a powerful appeal for
weak individuals, so does being passive. Even people who appear strong and
competent can be quite passive in some aspects of their life. This negative
emotion can be sexualized, meaning that sexual pleasure is available to many
men and women when they play out (as in bondage enactments or fantasies)
experiences of being helplessly laid bare on the receiving end of abusive
behavior. This "sexualization" or "libidinization" of passivity is the tip of
the iceberg that points to hidden depths in our psyche. At our psychological core,
we still identify with (and, in a nonsexual way, are attached to) the experience
of helplessness and dependency that permeated our childhood years. This can make
us receptive or passive to aggressive overtures. Other times when coming from
our passivity, we get triggered by such overtures and try to fend them off. Our
entanglement in passivity causes us, when we try to be strong, to be capable
only of self-defeating forms of assertiveness such as anger, hatred, rage, cynicism,
and being easily offended.
Often passive people produce aggressive fantasies of
retaliation or vengeance that frequently are acted out as meek or unconscious passive-aggressive
protests. Occasionally, however, the acting-out takes the form of extreme
reactions such as killing sprees in schools, malls, or theaters. These killers
are extremely passive individuals drawn to a sense of power that feels god-like
and total. Other passive youth get their sense of power in an acceptable
(though potentially self-defeating) manner through their fascination with (or
addiction to) violent video games.
Schoolyard bullies practice misplaced aggression, while
their victims suffer the passive side of the equation. Bullies are driven to be
aggressive out of weakness, not true strength. Their compulsion to bully is derived
from their unconscious identification with the helplessness and weakness of
their victims. The power they feel in their bullying covers up their
identification with the weakness of the victim. Rapists and pedophiles, on the
other hand, take the process a step further and sexualize their identification
with their victims' helplessness. Bullies also project their repressed inner
weakness on to their victims, and see and dislike in their victims the
self-doubt and passivity they deny and cover up in themselves. (Read, " Underlying
Dynamics that Breed Bullies .")
Bullying behavior extends beyond the schoolyard, as
when members of a privileged "upper" class bully the weak and the poor. A rich
man's conviction of his superiority and entitlement become, in various forms, an
aggressive putdown of the poor. Bullying also occurs when nations become
militaristic and then abuse and dominate other nations.
In couples' relationships, one personality type aggressively
confronts a mate who is fearful of confrontation. The aggressor is tempted to
become more abusive when the other partner remains passive. Domestic violence can
be fueled as much by one partner's passivity as by the other's brutal aggression.
Legally, the aggressor is at fault, but, psychologically, both parties
contribute to the suffering and chaos, one through reactive aggression, the
other through compulsive passivity. (Sometimes in relationships, one partner
can feel power only by laying a guilt-trip on the other.) Reactive
inappropriate aggression can be stopped in its tracks when, with inner power, a
person refuses to be mistreated or disrespected.
Political posturing also features the dynamics that
rebound between aggression and passivity. The one who wins the power struggle
will not have to feel defeated and thus, in emotional terms, weakened and humiliated.
In reality, there doesn't have to be a losing side. Win-win outcomes are available. Yet just as
some people sacrifice a marriage out of stubborn refusal to examine and resolve
their own issues, some politicians sacrifice the country to avoid their
personal sense of defeat. They feel defeated only because, through inner
weakness, they can't help but plunge into a negative reaction.
The secessionists who emerged following the 2012 U.S. elections
displayed a similar bias. Their cause is a rebel shriek of phony aggression. Demanding
separation in the name of freedom gives them an illusion of power and enables
them to save face. Their defense reads: "I'm not wallowing in defeat; I want
the victory of a new life and a new freedom." These passions are not so much
about race, economics, or even politics. Their passions are, instead, lodged in
the stubborn negativity--the need to cover up one's unconscious identification
with weakness or passivity--that plagues the human psyche.
Hatred is another symptom of this aggression-passivity
dynamic. Hatred is an illusion of power, a form of aggression that also arises
out of inner weakness. (So is reactive anger and cynicism, though less so.)
Weak people will muster up hatred because they're desperate to feel power. Yet hatred,
though a mere illusion or a corrupted expression of power, is the only nonviolent
aggressiveness, other than anger or cynicism, available to them. At a social
level, people can feel hatred when political and cultural change appears to
negate their validations and identifications. They blame others for their own
painful plunge into their unresolved issues concerning self-doubt,
powerlessness, and defeat. In another example, suicide, an act of hopelessness
and passivity, is often induced through aggressive self-hatred.
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