Whoever said beauty is in the eye of the beholder must not
be aware that the beholder is some stalker on match.com basically the
media and the board of plastic of surgeons. They have taken our pocketbooks egos hostage.
Magazines and the film industry and those who rule over our general vanity
and stupidity the super market checkout counter, love to take every opportunity to remind
us how we don't measure up to some idiotic and unrealistic standard of beauty that
I'm not interested in maintaining. Wait until January when they exploit our guilt over
holiday weight gain with New Year's resolutions and tell us how much we need
to steal from ourselves we should look in 2010.
I couldn't help but wonder if art is imitating life or vice-versa as I stepped into the ladies room the other day and heard women already complaining about their looks even though lunch hadn't even been served yet. Nobody was that ugly or grotesque. Not even me.
In all its turmoil and precarious financial condition,
America is still obsessed with "beauty and people are still buying into it.
Week after week, we watch the cosmetic industry churn out clones of Hollywood's
image of perfection. Very little
changes. The ideal continues to be a skinny, large-breasted, porcelain
veneered, (preferably blond) girl who resembles Donald Trump's idea of what
his next future ex-wife should look like.
We of course, witness all this from the comfort of our living rooms or
beds while wearing sweat pants without any stretch left in them eating
Haagen Dazs ice cream straight from the container. Don't ask me how I know this
for a fact. I do it all the
time My friends tell me so.
It's not that I have anything against beauty, but the
manufactured kind just creeps me out, it's just that everyone is starting
to look the same to me. I don't
recognize half my friends anymore because they have bought into this notion
that "a little work has nothing to do with gainful employment can't do
any harm. Really? Can someone please explain to me how
Lisa Kudrow breathes or Nicole Kidman still manages to smile? Is Meg Ryan secretly trying to look
like Cesar Romero? Gah.
How many cookie cutter noses, foreheads that don't move
and inflated lips does it take to change a light bulb? It seems that tweaks, nips and tucks
are as commonplace as going grocery shopping. I for one am terrified of breast implants that can be used
as flotation devices in the event of a water landing. Mark my words. The results of these gruesome
experiments that people insist on conducting with themselves are one day going
to rear their ugly heads in eventual reality TV lawsuits that will play out on
a local listing near you.
Especially if naturally round women who age gracefully with wrinkles of
wisdom just like myself suddenly become stylish and "beautiful once
again. I'm hoping it will
happen before menopause is finally over I decide to get my cankles fixed.
America was once such a beautiful melting pot of various
shapes, colors and sizes. We are
getting dangerously close to becoming a planet of wax dummies that look exactly
alike. Nobody wants to
resemble anything close to the age that is represented by the number of candles
on a cake. I don't want to end up melting or forgetting what I really look like
by the time I get married again embalmed. I'll leave that job to the mortician. I hope he performs liposuction.
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