Share on Google Plus Share on Twitter Share on Facebook Share on LinkedIn Share on PInterest Share on Fark! Share on Reddit Share on StumbleUpon Tell A Friend 1 (1 Shares)  
Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites (# of views)   6 comments

OpEdNews Op Eds

Stark Naked at the Airport

By       Message John Blumenthal     Permalink
      (Page 1 of 1 pages)
Related Topic(s): ; ; , Add Tags Add to My Group(s)

Must Read 2   Inspiring 2   Well Said 1  
View Ratings | Rate It

opednews.com Headlined to H4 11/29/10

Author 42212
- Advertisement -

Picture this: I am standing in line at an airport security check. I place my luggage and computer bag on the belt. Next, I dump all my change, keys and other random pocket debris in the little basket. I take off my shoes. Then I remove my belt and add it to the train.

   

But I don't stop there. I keep going. I remove my pants. I slip my shirt over my head. I pull off my socks. And lastly, I step out of my underpants and fling them onto the belt.

   

I am stark naked.

   

Women gasp and give me their phone numbers. Men look on with envy. Someone with a video camera films the whole circus. The humorless TSA personnel look on with confusion, their small minds struggling to recall what the Homeland Security Rule Book says about this.

   

I ignore them and stroll through. At the end of the conveyor, I casually put my clothes back on.

   

Somebody calls security. Let them figure out what to do. Once I am dressed, two beefy guards haul me away.

   

I find myself in jail. My attorney bails me out.

- Advertisement -

   

The next day the YouTube comes out. Two million people watch it. I appear on MSNBC and chat with Keith Olbermann. I am suddenly an international sensation. I get an agent and a book deal.

   

A week later I'm in court, charged with indecent exposure. The prosecutor recounts my display to the judge who nods solemnly. My attorney argues that, had I been placed beneath the scanner, this too would technically have been indecent exposure. I would have been exposing myself to a one man audience -" the scanner operator. My attorney will argue that the charge of indecent exposure does not specify how large the audience must be for the charge to apply.

   

The judge will rule in my favor. I will be free to go.   

   

In the ensuing weeks, five thousand airline passengers will perform stripteases at the airport.

   

Homeland Security will be stumped.

- Advertisement -

Playboy will send photographers.      

Photo: Courtesy: flickr.com    

 

- Advertisement -

Must Read 2   Inspiring 2   Well Said 1  
View Ratings | Rate It

John Blumenthal has been a professional comedy writer for 25 years. A former associate editor and columnist at Playboy Magazine (following a short stint at Esquire), he's written 8 books and 2 produced movies. His films include "Short Time," (major (more...)
 

Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon


Go To Commenting

The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.

Writers Guidelines

Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles
- Advertisement -

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Stark Naked at the Airport

Will Prince Charles Ever Be King?

My Exclusive Interview With J.D. Salinger

I'm in Love with Michele Bachmann

Why Scrooge Was Right About Christmas

Why I Hate Camping: A Glossary