Article: Time to Say Goodbye

It's the start of a new morning for America. The past 8 years of buffoonery, idiocy, crime, graft and hate are behind us, at least as soon as W packs up and leaves the Presidential premises. And once he's out of the picture -- and hopefully far, far from sight -- a new hope for America will lie ahead.

I don't expect things to be perfect. I'm not some naïve little snowflake all a'twirl in the wind, expecting Barack Obama to solve all our nation's problems by his lonesome in less than a week, a month, or a year.

I don't expect him to solve even most of our problems, come to think of it -- not all by his lonesome, anyway. It's something that takes a group effort. It takes a Congress willing to wheel and deal, opinion leaders willing to be honest with their audience, and activists and employees willing to provide the hands and feet to make the change go forward.

It takes a village, to quote a certain other Senator. And hopefully this time we'll have a good village waiting for us in Foggy Bottom. Hopefully.

But just as it takes a village to fix things, it also takes a village to screw things up. And we have had quite a colorful village over the last eight years, haven't we? Ever since 9/11 turned what could have been a relatively harmless Administration into a long, national nightmare -- and global embarrassment -- we've seen any number of village idiots come prancing into the White House, or taking up residence across the street in protest.

And oh, how we've suffered for their presence. They made what should have been a Herculean task -- screwing up America after eight years of prosperity and relative peace -- seem as easy as pie. And they did this by helping directly, creating an atmosphere in which W's perfidy could thrive, or providing an "opposition" that was so stupid that it actually made our thankfully-leaving President look like he was making sense.

And these are the people I would like, at this time, to bid a not-so-fond farewell to.

Goodbye Ari Fliescher. Yes, he's been gone for some time, but who could forget that beetling, muppet-headed creep and his exhortations to watch what we say, and what we think? I'm sure Bill Maher hasn't quite forgotten that. Neither have the rest of us. We bid you goodbye, and stay gone, please.

Goodbye to Blackwater, Halliburton and other corporate creeps who specialized in making us look bad while spending oodles of taxpayers money. It's almost as if the Iraq war was fought to keep certain FOWs (Friends of W) in money for the foreseeable future. And maybe it was? We bid you goodbye, too: take the money and run -- preferably far, far away.

Goodbye to the British National Party. Now, to his credit, we didn't see W make any friendly gestures towards that sorry little outfit, even if they occasionally sung his praises for doing the "right" thing for their wrong reasons. But since the first thing they did upon hearing that Obama won the race was call him a racist (!!!) it's highly doubtful they'll get the time of day from the White House for the next four years or so, either. Goodbye, chaps, and here's hoping you disgrace yourself loudly, and soon.

Goodbye Condoleezza Rice, who is so far in la-la land it's a wonder she knows her tenure is coming to an end. Somewhere, in the ether, there's a magical land of rainbows and unicorns where her ideas of foreign policy actually work, and hopefully she'll pack her bags and go there as soon as possible. Goodbye, my dear, and may all your dreams be wonderful, and far, far away from us.

Goodbye, David Horowitz, and all your haters over at Frontpage Magazine. I'm sure you'll have no shortage of amusing, half-true articles over the next four or more years, telling us about Obama is selling us out to Islamists, Commies, Commislamics, Islamofascists, or whoever you've chosen to pick on this time around. Unfortunately, the White House won't be taking your calls for comment. Goodbye, and don't forget to pack your red diaper.

I'd wish goodbye to Dick Cheney, but something tells me we won't be seeing him ever again. Somewhere there's an escape pod waiting to take him back to the hole he crawled out of, pockets stuffed full of money for a job well done. Will justice ever also be done?

Goodbye Donald "Micromanage" Rumsfeld, who told people who knew how things actually worked that they were wrong and had to do it HIS way, while making soldiers pay for their own bloody armor. Fate will not be kind to you, sir, but hopefully you'll get your come-uppance far, far from our view. Goodbye and good riddance.

Goodbye to all of the FOWs that were elevated above their level of competence, and sunk to new depths of disaster. Goodbye Michael "Brownie" Brown, who wins the "deer in the headlights" award for life for his rather craptacular performance as head of FEMA. Goodbye Harriet Miers, who might now be occupying a bench on the Supreme Court if the Republicans hadn't still had some spine. Goodbye David "Uranium" Frum, who wrote THAT speech, and won't let any of us forget it, ever.

Goodbye to the ultimate over-elevated FOW: Alberto "Squeaky" Gonzales, who did more harm to our country in his thankfully short tenure as Attorney General than anyone ever before. He was so bad he made Janet Reno and John Ashcroft actually look good. I was hoping he'd vanish even more so than Ms. Reno has, but I hear he's got a book deal, now, so I guess we're stuck with at least another round of non-explanations for things he still can't recall. Goodbye, and may the royalty money burn your soul like napalm.

Goodbye Jack Abramoff, currently sitting in prison camp, where most of the people who worked with and for also belong. You got yours, but when will they get theirs? Goodbye, Jack, and keep the home fire burning for your friends -- hopefully they will soon be joining you.

Goodbye to Karl "Turdblossom" Rove. No, really, GOODBYE. Please go away. Do not pass go, collect $200, or become a toadying fixture on FOX News. Just please disappear, until such time as you're subpoenaed for something you did in the last eight years. Then we'd LOVE to see you, really. Until then, goodbye.

Goodbye, Michael Ledeen, sitting in your bunker over at the National Review. It was so sad a spectacle to see you all but begging us to go "Faster, please" towards a war with Iran, the way you all but begged for one in Iraq. I imagine this lack of a well-placed ear to whisper into means the fascist world order you seem to want so badly will be delayed for quite some time. Goodbye, and leave faster, please.

Goodbye, 9/11 Truthers, all sitting in your own basement bunkers and wondering when "the man" is going to kick down your door and discover your secret stash. Yes, not all the truth about what happened that day has come to light, yet. But to leap from the questions yet unanswered straight into the conviction that it was an inside job, or something done by Israel, is the province of a fruitcake. Riddle me this: if this really was a thing done to secure power, then why is Obama going to be the next President? What, no answer? Goodbye, then, and good luck.

Goodbye Paul "Payoff" Wolfowitz, hopefully still in hiding after that ironic tour-de-farce with the World Bank. As Deputy Secretary of Defense, you tried to tell us that Iraq would pay for itself, and then, as President of the World Bank, you tried to pay your lover more than she was worth. What is it with you and money? Goodbye, and don't take any wooden nickels.

Goodbye to the Peace at all Costs Crowd. If you were out protesting against our invasion of Afghanistan after 9/11, or think all war is unrighteous, you are in sore need of a reality check. Non-violence doesn't work so well when nations take up arms against one another, in case you hadn't noticed. Thanks for making the American Left look stupid, childish and stoned for the last eight years. Goodbye, and please wash your clothes.

Goodbye all you little hangers on. Goodbye Armstrong "Cashbox" Williams, for taking money under the table to shill for President Bush's education initiatives. Goodbye Jeff "8 1/2" Gannon for agreeing to pose as a journalist in the White House Press Corps and pitch softcore... I mean, SOFTBALL questions to the Press Secretary. Goodbye John "Walrus" Bolton, the worst ambassador to the United Nations since... well, anyone.

And a special, sloppy Goodbye to Will "Hillary for McCain" Bower, who was so willing to help hand the Oval Office over to a Republican because he was either so pro-Hillary, or so anti-Obama that he couldn't even remember what side he was ultimately on. His website, "Just Say No Deal," announces that they're "cooking something up"; hopefully it's crow, or a one-way ticket to political oblivion. Either way, goodbye, and please learn some basic strategy in the next four years.

Goodbye, one and all. Goodbye, good riddance, good luck.