Article: They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

I got a little misty-eyed yesterday reading about poor old Barbaro. Barbaro was the spectacular horse that won the 2006 Kentucky Derby, only to suffer a tragic breakdown at last year's Preakness Stakes in Baltimore. After a courageous struggle against myriad leg and hoof problems which caused severe pain, Barbaro was euthanized.

Barbaro's untimely demise makes me think of another struggling animal, a bird that fought hard to win many races only to stumble in the end. Although this bird is not nearly as courageous, smart, or charismatic as the beautiful bay colt that won the hearts and minds of so many. This birds name is George W. Bush.

I've been pretty rough on George, especially over the last few months. I've suggested he be dropped in the middle of Sadr City; a Shiite neighborhood in Baghdad; and carried away to Eastern Europe to be tortured by some pay-to-play former CIA agents who were too brutal to stay on the government payroll. But now that I've heard Bush's latest State of dis-Union speech, I understand he really is the lamest of lame ducks. So lost is George in the fantasy of actually winning the Iraq War, the speech was nearly incomprehensible. While there's a part of me that says euthanasia is too good for this bird, it does seem like a quick and easy way to put this duck out of its misery.

Of course, euthanizing George means putting little Dick Cheney at the controls of the country, which I imagine would be like living in a Kafkaesque movie directed by Stanley Kubrick. Hopefully, some of the bedraggled conservatives loitering the halls of Congress these days will find time to take their boy out for a bit of quail hunting before little Dick finds a sucker to fill his former position, 'accidentally' shooting the president of vice in the back of the head at close range. This will pave the way for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to take the reigns at the White House. Pelosi is certainly no prize for progressives, but she'd do a much better job heading up the Executive than either George or little Dick.

Many of my progressive colleagues advocate for impeachment of both George and little Dick. But even if an indictment was handed down by Congress, they'd probably walk by way of a contentious trial in the Senate. And even if they didn't make it that far, they'd still have long, fruitful careers speaking at D.A.R. and N.R.A. conventions. They'd make millions off their former government service, which is all they really care about anyway. No, better to do away with them Mafioso style now, while we still have the chance.

While George certainly hasn't endeared himself to Americans like Barbaro has, he still deserves to die with a little dignity. Barbaro was what George has always aspired to be: successful. And if we can give Barbaro a compassionate sendoff, I think we certainly can give George the lame duck one too.

And unlike Barbaro, we can cook up the carcass of this lame duck and feed it to the troops in Iraq come Thanksgiving. The site of our boys gobbling up that bird is something all Americans would be thankful for.

So let's stop all the vitriol against lame duck George, and find a vet to administer the shot that will bring us all peace. There's no sense in watching this duck struggle anymore.