U.S. NEWS: The question on everyone’s mind as consumer confidence has shrank to a two year low is; can things get any worse? The short and simple answer is Yes. The more lengthy and complex answer is, Hell Yes.
The fact that the economic front may be battling some fierce headwinds was substantiated yesterday when ‘Bronco Ben’ Bernanke weighed in with his opinion. Our King of Simple News reporter asked ‘Bronco Ben’ what he saw as troubling the economy.
Bronco answered, “In lieu of the billions of dollars that banks are reporting losing daily, combined with the total collapse of housing and the dollar shrinking faster than a dog pound cat…and then considering the huge loses by car companies and the massive layoffs in that industry…of course we also have to consider credit card debt is at an all time high…then taking into account that the U.S. is the largest debtor nation in the world, but other than that…uh, well, there is also the pesky fact that the first of the 78,000,000 Boomers will begin to retire in less than two months and medical costs seem to be rising faster than Wall Street executive pay, but other than these…well, then there is the cost of oil which has hit record highs every other day for the past two years, but all things considered, I think that is about it for the bad news.”
Mr. Bernanke reported that the good news was; “Two new currency printing presses are expected to arrive from China any day now.” It is also comforting to learn that inflation remains low, as toothpicks have now been removed from the basket of goods used to measure the CPI, leaving sand as the single indicator.
Mr. Bernanke was confident that sand could also necessarily be removed from the basket, as volatility in that sector could rise when millions more homeowners tell their mortgage holders to “go pound sand.”
LONDON: While the U.S. is battling a financial tsunami, our more fiscally conservative friends across the big pond are keeping their heads on straight. In and interview with John Armit of England’s Olympic Delivery Authority, Mr. Armit says the Brit’s have come up with a brilliant plan to eliminate the waste of spending more than a BILLION dollars on an Olympic Stadium, that after the 2012 games conclude, could become a white elephant (similar to our U.S. Congress).
Mr. Armit explained that rather than waste all that money, they will take the entire top seating tier off the 80,000 seat stadium when the games are over and throw it away so that it doesn’t just sit there and remain worthless (similar to our U.S. Congress).
You think I made that up don’t you? Not hardly, I’m warped, but I’m not crazy. By 1924, the English controlled 25% of the landmass on earth. Today, they are back on their own island. ‘Nuff said.
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