Good Morning Middle America, welcome to the King of Simple News Network where we tell it like it is, in language that even MBAs can understand.
U.S. NEWS: Well we can all take a deep breath and a sigh of relief; everything is going to be alright. I admit that I was worried there for a minute. The news that China’s main U.S. outlet store, Wal-Mart, has posted strong earnings for the third quarter has raised the DOW industrial averages, the NASDAQ, the S&P 500 and the total wealth of the “The Beast’s of Bentonville,” better known as the “family Walton.”
Wal-Mart touts the source of this good news as having started to advertise Christmas at last years Super Bowl game and never taking down the decorations from 2006, lest we forget that Christmas is only 364 days away.
Now some of you have indicated that you are also concerned about the declining dollar. Well, don’t be. Wall Street has informed our sources that the weak dollar is a good thing. In fact, a very good thing. It has the effect of making U.S. exports much cheaper.
Using my patented Mikeronomics, I have come to the conclusion that America’s main export is that of Middle American jobs being exported to China. And, I have no doubt that government and Big Business will in fact pick up the pace in that important sector of exports.
The good news didn’t stop there. Both Fred Thompson and Hillary Clinton have announced that they now realize there is a problem with social security; a little known piece of information prior to 1946. Both have promised to work diligently on “saving Social Security” until such time that they are confident of being elected president; after which they vow to drop the subject all together.
Our King of Simple News reporter asked the candidates why Social Security was their main issue, when Social Security funding was projected to last until 2041, and Medicare is set to go bust in 2019?” Mr. Thompson said, “Son, there are just some things that we shouldn’t talk about.” Mrs. Clinton responded, “Social Security is my first priority, once I tax you enough to fix that, you’ll be so busy paying taxes, you won’t have time to be sick. Ha-ha.”
The fact is that planning for the future over the past 60 years hasn’t been a high priority. Social Security and Medicare alone will require taxation beyond the ability of Americans to fund. But, what the heck, let the kids pay it.
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
