(a morality play with Pinter-esque pauses)
By ROCKY CARTWRIGHT
MOONBAT
So, wingnut, what do you want to do today?
WINGNUT
I don't know, moonbat, what do you want to do today?
MOONBAT
I was thinking maybe we could drive over to the capital and protest.
Protest what?
MOONBAT
Hmmmmm. I don't know. Maybe we could protest the Patriot Act.
WINGNUT
That sounds good.
(They drive to the capital and pull out placards. The wingnuts sign says "Surveillance=Safety". The moonbats sign says "Patriot Act Unconstitutional". They look at eachothers' signs.)
MOONBAT
Wait a minute, wait a minute. What's that?
WINGNUT
It's my sign. Our country is chock full of terorist cells and our government is not doing enough to protect us.
MOONBAT
Not doing enough? Are you crocked? They're tapping our phone lines, reading our credit card statements, surveying our web activities... it's an invasion of our privacy!
WINGNUT
You got something to hide?
MOONBAT
Not necessarily. That's not the point.
WINGNUT
Well, if you don't have anything to hide, why does it matter?
MOONBAT
It's the principle. We are a principled nation and our right to privacy is assured by the Constitution.
WINGNUT
But the Constitution is liquid. It's pliable. In times of great emergency and danger we are empowered to make necessary concessions to ensure the safety of our nation.
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