A Satire by James Boyne
If Bush wins re-election here's what will happen in the next four years:
Bush will have the opportunity to appoint three conservative Supreme Court Justices.
Under a Evangelical Christian/Federal Government Program called, " America for Women, Women for America ", women's reproductive rights will be overturned and all abortions will be illegal causing millions of unwanted babies to be born to middle class and poor women throughout America . Orphanages will become common and will overflow with orphans. State Budgets will be thrown into turmoil. Planned Parenthood facilities will be raided by Federal Agents and shut down. Wealthy, white Republican conservatives will travel to Sweden to obtain abortions. An illegal "back-alley" abortion here in the U.S. will cost $15,000. Thousands of women will die every year. The Catholic Church will lobby President Bush to make the sale of condoms illegal. Its rallying cry will be "Life Prevention Is Murder---Save Life---For God". Condom use or possession will be a misdemeanor.
With a Federal Program called, "Work for America , America for Work", Bush will declare that the new Federal and Corporate retirement age to be 70 years of age, in order to prevent the collapse of the Social Security System. Those between 62 and 70 will be required to work part-time. Social Security will be privatized, however an additional 10% of everyone's salary will be a mandatory investment in the New York Stock Exchange. Former NY Stock Exchange President, Mr. Grasso, will be re-appointed with his previous salary of $180 million, to oversee the Federal Mandatory Private Stock Investment Program called, "Invest In America---It's Your Future".
A new "Right To Life" program, headed up by Surgeon General Jeb Bush, will attempt to keep anyone who dies, alive, by means of life support systems. A massive Federal initiative, operated by Halliburton, will run hundreds of thousands of mobile, life support systems that will race to nursing homes, clinics, and hospitals in order to revive the dead and the dying. All Americans will enjoy the "Right To Life", even the dead, if you can be caught in time. The cost: Unknown; but Bush will declare, "all life is sacred and any cost will be spent when it comes to life, as long as its taxpayers money". Former Dr. Kervokian, will be re-tried in Federal Court and sentenced to death for having violated the "Right to Life" laws.
Under a Federal initiative called "For A Healthier America ", private and corporate group health care plans will cost between $10,000 and $15,000 a year per individual by the third year of Bush's second term. Most American companies will no longer contribute anything toward their employee's health care insurance. 150 million Americans will have no health insurance. Bush will claim that we are just "turning the corner" and Republicans will claim its "Capitalism and Democracy in Action". Thousands of American "Bed & Breakfast" establishments will be converted to mini-nursing homes, cancer centers, and quaint hospices which will dot New England villages, Southern bayous, and the California coastline.
The "Junk and Frivolous Lawsuit Act of 2006" will be enacted by Presidential decree, bypassing the Congress and Senate. The 50 million Americans that voted for Bush will wave their little American flags and cheer "Boooosh, Boooosh, Boooosh, Four More Years", as they kiss their legal rights away without a clue as to the draconian implications on their own rights. The same mentality that fought tooth and nail to protect their right to own assault weapons under the Second Amendment will, in a flash, give up their Constitutional right to their "day in Court". The new law will disallow all litigation against all businesses, corporations, public institutions, and governmental agencies except for suits brought in Small Claims Court for under $1000, which will still be permitted. Our legal system of protection in the Courts will be transformed overnight into a closed system controlled by the wealthiest and the most powerful. Insurance company profits will skyrocket in the short term until people realize that there is barely any reason to have insurance anymore. Most lawyers will find themselves basically without any clients and Americans in need of legal protection will be barred from seeking it. Doctors fees and health insurance premiums will give a slight hiccup and then continue to roar into the stratosphere as health care becomes a dream for most Americans. Our system of justice, litigation and insurance will become a unfathomable disaster.
A new, mini-atomic bomb called, "Little Baby" will be dropped on a regular basis on countries deemed to have Weapons of Mass Destruction or ties to Osama Bin Laden or ties to Saddam Hussein or ties to anyone Bush doesn't like. Bush will declare, "what good is a policy of pre-emptive attack if we don't use it". Bush will give a "quarterly results State of the Union " each quarter and report where "Little Baby" has been dropped and how many hundreds of thousands of terrorists and insurgents we have incinerated. His new war-cry will be "they're toast!" In response, Dallas , LA , Miami , Boston , Chicago and NYC will be attacked by terrorists. Homeland Security Director Zell Miller will raise the color coded terrorist alert to a permanent state of Red: Under Attack! Americans will gather by the millions and wave their little American flags and shout: "Boooosh, Boooosh, Boooosh. Four More Years." Laura Bush will be appointed Secretary of Defense, replacing Donald Rumsfeld who will leave to take a position as CEO of Lockheed-Martin.
A " Bay of Pigs II " military operation to re-take the island of Cuba and to oust Fidel Castro will be launched. The U.S. Military will find no human inhabitants on the island of Cuba in the year 2007 when they finally go ashore since all Cubans by then will have fled to Miami . Fidel Castro himself will flee to Miami , ask for political asylum from himself, and be granted asylum and American citizenship. By 2008 he will be elected Mayor of Miami.
Both Pakistan (which has 7 nuclear bombs) and Saudi Arabia (which has most of the world's oil) will be overthrown by fanatical, religious theocracies. "Little Baby" will come to the rescue, however nuclear fallout will drift up, westward on the jet stream and then descend to pollute our land, water and air. Gas will spike at $9 a gallon. A Bush Federal initiative called, "Gold for Gas" will encourage all Americans to turn in their gold jewelry to be melted down into Gold Bullion and American Gold Eagle Coins to help pay for imported oil since the Saudi Family will be accepting payment in advance, in gold, for all oil it permits us to have. Millions of Americans will be seen on FOX TV to surround the White House waving little American flags and chanting, "Boooosh, Boooosh, Boooosh, Four More Years. Gold for Gas, Gold for Gas, Gold for Gas. Boooosh, Boooosh, Boooosh, Four More Years". With $1/2 Trillion a year and a new Federal initiative in partnership with the pharmaceutical industry called, "Keep America Medicated", all Americans will receive a stipend of $2000 a month in Federal subsidies to obtain brand name drugs at stratospheric prices for such life threatening illnesses as erectile dysfunction, diarrehea, upset stomach, hot flashes, female sexual lethargy, depression, elation, normalcy, and exploding liver disorder.
The "No Child Left Behind" program will be expanded to include the military draft which will be called "College Bound America ---Serve Your Country and Learn". Those who voluntarily sign up for the "New American Draft" will automatically receive two full years (60 semester hours) of college credit toward a four year Bachelor of Science Degree from a college of one's choice. Combat service in Iraq , Iran , Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon will entitle one to Continuing Education Credits (C.E.U.'s) to be applied toward graduation.
Family values will come to encompass family training on marksmanship with fully automatic assault weapons. Hallmark will declare 9/11, Family Values Day with TV commercials and jingles that say "the family that shoots together, stays together" and "Have a blast. Blast away".
After Hurricane Ivan, Florida will experience two late autumn hurricanes causing tens of billions in additional damages. President Bush will, again, make a 15 minute visit after each storm to hand out a case of Poland Springs Water to some cheering crowds of people waving little American flags and cheering "Boooosh, Boooosh, Boooosh, Four More Years." Bush will promise $20 billion in relief for the insurance industry to guarantee that their First Quarterly Results are not adversely affected. Hurricane victims, small businesses, Floridians and US taxpayers will be left to clean up the mess. Bush will name the new Federal initiative "Neighbors Helping Neighbors" which will receive ZERO funding from Congress as an incentive to show Americans how tough and self-reliant they can be. In a typical mumble-jumble of words Bush will deem it his new program of "Passionate Conversionism".
The two most popular new hit tunes in 2007 will be two songs by the Bush twins, Jenna and Barbara Bush and their group called the "Bush Chicks", called "Let's Bring Back the 7th Century A.D." and "Rock-Around-the-Clock With Iraq ". It will be played continuously on FOX Radio which by then will own a majority stake and control every station on the entire FM spectrum of radio stations.
Tom DeLay and Senator Bill Frist will introduce legislation to have Senator Kerry's Purple Hearts, Bronze Star, and Silver Star medals for heroism in Vietnam taken away from him. The crowds will cheer, "Boooosh, Boooosh, Boooosh, Four More Years". Documents will be found and authenticated by FOX News that show that President Bush was actually awarded a Purple Heart and two Silver Stars for heroism as a jet fighter pilot in Cambridge , Massachusettes while attending Harvard Business School during the Vietnam War. Bush will say, "Oh yeah, I remember that".
James Boyne
James Boyne is a regular contributor to Opednews.com and a former Republican who has supported Goldwater, Nixon, Ford, Reagan, Bush Sr. and George W. in 2000. He now supports Kerry's candidacy. More articles by James Boyne
