Governmental Uterus Registration

Governmental Uterus Registration

Patricia Ernest (Pissed Off Patricia's Blog )

OpEdNews.com

Okay ladies you can forget about making that appointment for a pap smear and a mammogram.  Forget all about it, because it will now be just a part of your yearly government inspection.

  

Starting real soon, you will be receiving a letter from your government letting you know when to come in and have your uterus registered.  Yes that's right, you'll go to the nearest government-run clinic, and you will have your uterus examined, documented and registered.  There is some talk of tattooing your uterus with a serial number which would be listed with the government and used to track your activities.  Each woman will be issued a uterus identification number and card.  These cards must be carried by the woman at all times.  Spot checks during strip searches may occur at any time.  

 

The new yearly exam will be done not by a gynecologist but a white, middle-aged, Republican male appointee.  He does not need any sort of medical background, but a degree in law enforcement may be mandatory.  He will ask you a few questions, do a pelvic exam and proceed to conduct your mammogram.   The questions will have to do with what, if anything, has been in your uterus, and what you did with that occupant.  If you try to hide anything from this inspector, you could face charges.  Should you show up at this inspection without your uterus, you had better have a valid reason.  What constitutes a valid reason will be determined by the government.  If you have had to have a hysterectomy please bring a written explanation from you physician.  Some reasons will be valid others will not.  If your hysterectomy was selfishly preformed to protect your life and you had no children before the operation was preformed, you may be subject to charges.  

 

All women are now required to have as many children as they possibly can.  Whether or not you want these children is not a consideration.  Whether or not you feel you are in a position to give these children a healthy and positive life is not a consideration.  It is encouraged that your uterus be occupied at least nine months out of every year.  When you are receiving your annual government inspection, if your uterus is empty you must have a good explanation.  If for some selfish reason you have allowed your doctor to perform a complete mastectomy, you will face charges because you have removed the natural infant feeding system from your body.  No parts of any female body will be removed if it will in any way prevent the woman from carrying out what God intended.  This bill is pending in the Congress and is expected to pass with flying colors.  All male republicans are expected to cast supporting votes.

 

The government has determined that the female reproductive parts will no longer be considered the property of the female.  Instead, all female reproductive organs and accompanying parts will be the sole possession of the government.  It seems the government is in a much better place to determine what is right for every woman in the United States.  President bush is hoping to extend this legislation all around the world.  It has long been known that males have a much greater capacity for knowing what is right for women, and they will finally have the laws to back that up. 

 

In addition to the yearly registration inspections of all female uteruses, females must also submit a daily diary explaining when they had sex and with whom.  If a female is discovered to have had sex with another female she must enter a recovery program.  The classes in the program will be conducted by a local preacher appointed by President bush.  The program is similar to the popular 12 step programs.  The participant must accept a higher power.  The higher power in this case will be all Republican men.  The government believes that  with sincere submission all women can be saved.  The term lesbian will no longer be a word used in the U.S.  Women who feel an attraction for other women will be considered enemy combatants as they are enemies of the word of God.

 

 The daily sexual diary must disclose each time a woman has had any type of sex.   If the sexual act was the result of incest or rape, there will no repercussions to the male party.  The primary function of the diary is to keep up to date with the woman's activities and to follow her through any pregnancies that may result.  Once a woman has become pregnant, the woman's life becomes a factor of no consideration.  The fetus becomes the central focus of the pregnancy.  Everything humanly possible will be done to ensure the fetus's survival.  The woman will be required to sacrifice any and everything to contribute to the survival of the fetus.  If a woman loses her life due to complications of child birth, she will be remembered as a soldier of life.

 

President bush and most of the Republican males feel that it is a man's responsibility to impregnate as many women as possible.  They feel that is the message from God (go forth and multiply), and they have been made holy messengers by God.  They feel if a woman shows any desire to abort a pregnancy she is obviously possessed by the devil and they recommend such women be stoned to death.   President bush also recommends that Viagra be given free to all males so that they may to continue to have intercourse long into their nineties.  President bush believes that men are never too hold to uphold their reproductive obligations.  

 

There are now experiments being done on women to see if there is any way the sexual reproductive cycle can also be extended into the female's elderly years.   President bush feels that unless a woman is capable of reproducing up until she is at least eighty years old, there is really no need to sustain her life.  Women who for some evil reason are unable to reproduce will be considered irrelevant and a waste for the now viral elderly men.  "Why should a man waste his time on a sterile woman when he can use that same energy to impregnate?" said a jocular spokesman for this administration.

 

It is expected that some women will rebel against these new rules and others may try to abort fetuses via illegal back alley physicians.  The government is not worried about these traitorous women.  They know that most of them will die of infection as a result of unsanitary abortions.  The government feels that if a woman breaks the law, she must face the consequences.  Quoted one administrative aid, "Hey, if she breaks the law and dies as the result of infection, hell, she's just saved us court time and money!  Either way, we know that the result was God's way.  Let a few of them die that way and I think pretty soon the rest will get the message."  Some women have criticized what appears to be a somewhat cold and heartless dictatorial attitude from the administration.  When asked about this a senior official replied, f*ck em!