Frankly, My Dears, Bush Doesn't Give A Damn... About the South
by Allen Snyder
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The South's been on people's minds a lot, lately. And for good reason, too. The poop is that what Southerners do in this upcoming election may be decisive. So there are naturally lotsa questions going around about the folks down there.
Questions like:
1. Does filthy rich New England liberal Communist John Kerry have a prayer of winning any Southern states in November? 2. Will BushCo dump literally hard-hearted crooked old-fart Wyominian(?) Dick Cheney for Tennessee doctor and Senate majority leader Bill Frist, a smooth, young, likable, and scandal-free HMO industry shill with clear arteries? 3. Will they ever join the 19th Century on Darwinism and Evolutionary Science and stop acting like Biblical Creationism is really 'an alternative explanation' for life on Earth? 4. Can't we just give Florida to the Cubans? 5. Do they really pave the roads down there? And wear shoes??
Important questions, all. In case you're curious, the correct responses are:
1. 'probably not' 2. 'wouldn't you?' 3. 'one can only hope, but don't hold your breath' 4. 'if we only could' 5. 'sometimes'
BushCo and the South are on pretty good terms. Having been Governor of Texas, avoided his National Guard duty in Alabama, routinely butchered the English language everywhere, and despite his Kennebunkport connections, Dubya can certainly pass for a Southerner. They voted for him in droves in 2000; poor Al Gore even lost his home state of Tennessee. Now BushCo's poised to try and duplicate Clinton's successful Southern veep strategy (why they'd pick someone from an already-locked-up region mystifies me).
With all their passionate support and hymn-like praise for BushCo, you'd think the South was a land overflowing with milk, honey, and cheap gas, where there's bundles of money to burn, where, thanks to fairly acquired lottery scholarships, every child is well above-average, and the only time anybody complains is when liberal Democrats are in charge, raising taxes, spending money, creating jobs, and helping people (or when the satellite dish goes out).
Boy, was I in for a major shock! The South isn't anything like that!!
In fact, after checking out this sampling of readily Internet-available US Census Bureau statistics, I figured the South has nowhere to go but up.
Consider:
A. Infant mortality rate: Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, North and South Carolina, and Tennessee, are all in the top ten nationwide. B. Bachelor's Degree earners: Alabama, Arkansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, and Tennessee, are all in the bottom ten nationwide. C. Violent crime per 100,000: Florida, Louisiana, South Carolina (first on this list), and Tennessee are in the top ten nationwide. D. Persons living below the poverty line: Alabama, Arkansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas, are all in the top ten nationwide. E. Children living below the poverty line: Alabama, Arkansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas are all in the top ten nationwide. F. Involuntary part-time workers: Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, and Louisiana have the most in the nation with up to 26.5%. G. Median income for a four-person family: Texas, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Alabama, and Kentucky are in the lowest earning bracket. H. Per capita income: South Carolina, Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas, and Alabama are in the lowest earning bracket.
Ah, the South burns while BushCo fiddles.
Couple these pitiful tidbits with Georgia's recent effort to eliminate 'evolution' from their public school lexicon, continued challenges to the well-known and well-documented unconstitutionality of government-sponsored Ten Commandments displays, and South Carolina, Georgia, Mississippi, and Tennessee's state-sanctioned support of various racially insensitive Confederate flag displays and you get one seriously backwards-ass place.
Furthermore, the sweetened iced tea is a glass-borne diabetic coma, the world renowned hospitality is largely chimerical, and statistically, people seem to be mostly poor, uneducated, poor, unhealthy, poor, hard-working, and poor.
Which makes it even more astounding any of them would vote for BushCo.
The first time around, in 2000, they had Clinton's blowjobs on the brain, and a twisted media committed to making actual Vietnam veteran and intellectual policy wonk Gore look elitist, boring, and stiff while painting actual Vietnam evader and non-newspaper reading policy moron George Dubya look like a cowboy hat 'n' boot clad Everyman actually capable of stringing two sentences together without tripping over his tongue.
That the media had a point about Gore is irrelevant. That they were completely wrong about Bush is not.
This time, in 2004, there's just no excuse. BushCo's made enough mistakes, broken enough laws, killed enough people, stolen enough of our tax money, greased enough corporate palms, screwed enough future generations, and damaged America, democracy, freedom, and justice enough.
It's true. The South will rise again.
But not if it votes for Bush.
Allen Snyder is an instructor of Philosophy and Ethics. He can be reached at asnyder111@hotmail.com This article is copyright by Allen Snyder and originally published by www.opednews.com but permission is granted for reprint in print, email, blog, or web media so long as this credit is attached.
