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Life Arts 1/16/2007 at 3:01 PM EST

Forespray without a token.. new latex saves yah bedsprings..

By Cully Downer (Page 1 of 1 pages) No comments

Cully Downer

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So a spray-on condom is being developed by the admirably efficient Germans? The reason this alternative is so sorely needed is that solid, cold, oily, vacumn packed and frequently tough-to-find, condoms may not fit properly (...er yes your'e right, ill fitting condoms are one definition of frustration..) - while a spray-on can't really fail to fit can it? Naturally if you miss a bit the consequences could be unfortunate, but they do have the advantage of not being easy to mislay.. Guys our new 'portable' aid consists of a cylindrical can into which you insert your penis. Then - like a carwash without those useful beep warnings, jet powered nozzles on all sides start spraying latex ... once round and from top to bottom, I'm much too shy to expound further but I'm sure you can imagine the subtilitas. The consequences of this warm, slowly hardening latex - cooling gently to room temperature, could be quite unmentionable if ejaculation was imminent and your partner leers at you in the wrong way. With this in mind it is surprising perhaps there is no mention in the instruction manual of how the spray jets will create that essential air space - you know, that space we know as the crowning glory of the conventional condom. While obviously ingenious there are other potential drawbacks. Nobody for example seems too concerned that we may all need bigger wallets, or that the new fashion accessory for men in 2007 will be a shoulder bag with tin cans and a pocker sized blowtorch clashing around inside. The obvious advantage tho' is that these bags could be colour coded so that everyone would know whether you were gay, straight, or simply optimistic.. Now cynicism is really the lowest form of wit known to man so in all fairness I should point out that the novelty factor might well help prevent pregnancy and disease - which is a good thing. I might also point out that tho' this solution may in fact prevent these extremely disagreeable outcomes, it could do so by replacing women, or even deflowering a whole generation of male enthusiasts on the day it is released. Perhaps a more... 'debatabable' outcome to be sure depending on your point of view, but of course nothing risque', nothing gained...

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Cully Downer is Irish and the author of 'Ahaanews' a UK based blog activist site. He has been a mental health advocate and freelance author both in the UK and North America. He works independently and now lives in the south coast of England.

Related Topic(s): Psychology Emotional Intelligence; Psychology Emotional Intelligence; Pundits-Commentators; Questions; Satire; Sex; Sex; United Kingdom Wales, Add Tags
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Forespray without a token.. new latex saves yah bedsprings..

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