Two Simple Guiding Principles
A healthy family is not a
democracy. My husband is right. It is not despotism either. It can allow for
disappointment. It respects differences of opinion and honors each individual's
needs--up to a point. Because it is not run by majority opinion, though, a vote
is not taken every morning to determine the family's course of action. That is
the prerogative of the grown-ups (and hopefully they are) in charge.
When I did behavioral contracts with children I always warned parents of the imminent dangers of setting new limits. "One, you may be a bit awkward at first. Be patient with yourself and your adjustment to a new role. Two, the better you get at it the more your child is going to test you. He is going to rebel. He may fly in the face of your authority. Stay still. Let him spin. Research has shown that there is a predictable learning curve to that reaction and that the tumult will pass--if you are consistent and maintain the authority over time."
I have done a lot of hand-holding with parents as they experience the back draft of their new-found authority, but when it's all done and the heat has passed, there is a new relationship to be enjoyed, one in which the parent is the parent and the child is able to relax in their loving, sure hands.
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
3
3
2
