"If we didn't have one, we'd all have brown eyes, and mostly die, within a couple weeks' time, from megacolon and bowel obstruction!"
Perhaps, you didn't get an interview at Mar-a-Lago. Someone foolishly gave you a very good character reference - and you didn't make the BREAKING NEWS cutoff somehow.
Embarrassing? Belittling?
Yes, of course! I mean, this isn't an exalted Holy Grail-like race to the top, but a race to the nano-level bottom! By the way, this doesn't require 'effort' - but a strange kind of Za-zen of No-Effort. Robert Kennedy, Junior, kinda handsome, once marked for exceptionalism, knows all about that as he is not a Chip Off the Ol' Scrotum! (Nothing like the heroic Bobby who furthered Civil Rights!) So what does he have that might resemble a spine? A very famous name and a brain worm! And a strong proclivity towards molesting the babysitter if she's showing cleavage, and if you GOT THAT, you'll get The Interview with The Master Disruptor. And if you can keep saying, "Heil Hitler" in The Media whilst clicking your heels and heartily deny scientific data and thereby become an anti-vaccine Evangelist, You Will Get The Job!
Head of Dept. of Health!
No sh*t!
But don't worry or mentally perseverate if you don't have a famous name like Robert or me! We all can't be so lucky!
Perhaps, you can instead emigrate from New Delhi, India and be a cross-legged Swami! And full disclosure, I admire some famous Indians such as Paramahansa Yogananda who taught Kriya Yoga to the West. But -and I've been in India, by the way - some of these grandstanding Indians can with a certain loquaciousness speak rather fluently from my-least-favorite orifice and should be deported from where they came from.
Racist?
No.
Why?
Because they are knowingly, and even joyfully, committing treason and are deniers of Global Warming.
Then there are rakshasas (demons) who are in the form of a wily attractive female - Pam Bondi, Linda McMahon, Kristi Noem, Tulsi Gabbard, etc. and if that is not bad enough, all you have to do is sacrifice integrity and reason for Power and Wealth. Also, being able to Kellyanne-talk Bullshit so convincingly, without batting an eyelash, that no one in the press has 'the balls,' to call you on it, enhances your resume and brings you to the front of the line.
"I dunno nuthin' about education," Linda McMahon bellowed to anyone who would listen, "I just know about WWE - and big muscular men in skinny tights havin' a lot of homoerotic hugs in a big ring!
"The minimum wage? What's that?!"
Then there's Kristi Noem, the darling governor and centerfold of South Dakota, usually, in tight jeans.
"I'm gonna kill this here, Crickett, a 14-month old puppy! Why? Because he killed a few chickens and then nipped at me!
"Ain't no good at huntin', too!"
BOOM!
"Now, I'm gonna get the goat since he butts and knocks my children down occasionally.
"Coochi-coochi-coo, sugar baby!"
BOOM! BOOM!
"Now that qualifies me to be Dept. Head of Homeland Security. Don't it?"
Of course, if you wanna be Attorney General of the U.S., which has some steep job requirements, you might have to have a mandatory three-some with two teenage girls, one who is only 17, on top of an air hockey table!
SCORE! SCORE!
Pay them on Venmo! And ask about The Party Favors!
But wait! Hold the press! The Republican Party has got too much integrity for that!
A few Senators are balking!
And how 'bout you as Kash Patel, possibly, the new FBI director, has an enemies list and wants to prosecute those who claimed Biden won the 2020 election? Are you ready to normalize irrationality, incompetence, and treason?
(Article changed on Dec 03, 2024 at 8:05 PM EST)
(Article changed on Dec 03, 2024 at 9:04 PM EST)
