This article first appeared in Counterpunch on November 11, 2024.
The re-ascension of Donald J. Trump to the presidency of the United States of America for which we stand and salute the flag raises some serious questions about the legitimacy of democracy in the 21st century. A guy twice impeached, including for anti-democratic behavior, and convicted on 34 felonies, allowed to swear again he's uphold the law of the land, hand on the bible for a god that's dead. We bought in. MAGA can pray all it wants, but the God of dollar bills is dead. Trump will fix it instead. In Trump we trust.
Trump will fix everything.
Of immediate concern is how Trump will fix his sentencing on November 26. As CNN put it, "Never before has a criminal defendant been elected to the nation's highest office, just as an ex-president had never been criminally charged until last year." Stormy Daniels. Hush Money. As Zara says in The Mourning Bride, the 1697 play by William Congreve, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." But damn, 34 counts. That's a lot of counter-scorn. Words is, next week the charges will be dropped because of that recent Supreme Court ruling that the president is above the law and can kill and grope who he must. Some say he could be sanctioned with White House Arrest for four years, so no foreign trips except by Zoom.
If pianos were tiny, Trump might be Rachmaninov, with those cadenza hands. What range. Can you imagine him playing Jane Fonda in Barbarella, a film condemned by the Catholic elites as "sick, heavy-handed fantasy with nudity and graphic representations of sadism." But that aside, it could be a new day coming for the clitoris, Saint Grobius at the musical helm to play, channeling Dr. Phibes, the one human organ meant to moan in pleasure. Now, that's what I call Switched On Bach! The ladies lined up, crying mefirst, like the master himself.
What if Joe Joe dies between now and Jan 20 -- will Kamala give it up or have him shot, now that presidents are above the law? I know what I would do.
Or will Joe Joe have DJ shot as a last act of defiance before he carks it?
Nixon had an Enemy List. One of his operatives, G. Gordon Liddy, wanted to round up hippies, yippies, and leading dissidents and send them to Mexico to be liquidated. What will DJ do? Will vigilantes now locate Greg Palast and beat the sh*t out of him? Eff his Gee? Get it?
Will g-o-f go to the next level? Gain of function. Imagine putting a BobbySealed virus, bound and gagged, in a ring with, say, Mike Tyson, or Rocky Marciano, and seeing that virus speedbagged, or like Sonny beating the snot out of his brother in law, for smackin' his sister. Sure, mixed metaphors galore or la gore. But if the Chinese goofed and goffed what's next for the world? I axed James Crowe by email if we would be ready for bird flu and he said, "We are right in the middle of a sprint to make new ones that specifically recognize the new bovine avian H5N1 (which already has major escape variants!). We have some really promising leads and we're pushing them forward." Crowe led a team at Vanderbilt University conducting a pandemic war game before the outbreak of Covid-19 in Trump's first go-round. Part of the DARPA P3. Trump was very resistant to treatment by vaccine last time, will we instead go with the monoclonal solution, Dr. Crowe? "Both antibodies and vaccines are being developed for bird flu. They are complementary tools. But it's true there is a cognitive bias in which government and industry prioritize vaccines." That's probably a-causa the kachingalingadingdongding persuasion.
Indeed, will DJ ban vaccines, not because they were introduced to the public under-tested, making them lab rats, but because Robert F Kennedy, Jr, thinks they may contain high amounts of fluoride?
Will RFK, Jr., be shot to prevent him from keeping his promise to fully open the JFK assassination files?
Will Melania wear message jackets and start a new trend as she did with her I don't care line of women's wear?
Will p*ssy-grabbing emerge as a new team sport?
Will the deepfake of Sinead O'Connor "Nothing Compares 2 U," meaning Trump, emerge, go viral, become the new national anthem, single tears everywhere?
Will Project 2024 be more powerful than PNAC 2000? Or should we just say, f*ck It, and prepare to start civilization over from scratch, two miles deep in the ground?
Well-fed State versus Welfare State? Grudge match? Cage? Turnbuckles?
Will DJ end up back on SNL as MC to stoke the imagination of the fuckwitted kinders?
What's the first thing Mr Fix-It will fix in the new year, if he makes it to the inauspicious Inauguration, and isn't assassinated by some lefty crying, "Hell, no, not on my watch?" Reading not Catcher in the Rye but Sartre's Being and Nothingness. Takes one for the team. What team? They turn on him. Cancel him. He watches Curb Your Enthusiasm in prison. Notes how not long after Larry David had a gag about being fatwahed in one episode, and had Salman Rushdie on to describe the silver lining of being targeted (women are attracted to fatwah men), Rushdie was attacked and stabbed in the fuckin eye at a lefty peace event.
Which country will Trump bomb gratuitously this time? Last time, for the hell of it, he exploded MOAB, the most lethal bomb next to nukes, on the Taliban's tunneling asses. And killed about a dozen. Imagine if you dropped the A bomb on Hiroshima and all you killed was the milkman and six drunken jacuzzis. Maybe he will go all Operation Sundial to settle some scores? Stormy, run, hon.
Will Gaza turn into Cappadocia with tunnel tours to raise hard cash for downtrodden peoples? BnBs in rubble inns? Will Eric Schmidt holographically teleport his spoiled kids to Gaza to see how the other half lives as he proposed in Empire of the Mind: The Dawn of the Techno-Political Age?
Will the Celtics repeat? Or will the coach's recent words get him placed on a hit list? Celtics coach Joe Mazzulla said, "We're all going to be dead soon." The way things are going with that team, the three-point will soon be extended to half-court. But does Mazzula (we call it maize) have classified clearance? Is he in fact an asset?
Will Trump bomb Russia unless he turns over Edward Snowden or the Golden Shower tapes?
Will China Taiwan on?
So many questions. So many enemies. So little time for us all. I love you Mom. What tomatoes.
Will Climate Change? Or will Trump? Who'll blink first?
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