God's going gay for the Apocalypse
Taking a break from Trump Messiah sycophant-ism the "prophets" of the
Christian Right are warning of Saturday's coming Apocalypse.
God's
Ambulance Chasers are changing course
Far from following in the footsteps of Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson* (the
original Christofascist blame-the-gays theorists), today's Apocalyptic
ministers have changed from merely raining bibles on disaster victims to
connecting the Armageddon dots, forming a picture of a God totally pissed that
anyone, any country would do something so abominable as accept gay marriage
And considering that disasters like hurricanes Katrina and Harvey have been
blamed almost exclusively on the LGBT community, it's gonna be a very GAY
Apocalypse.
There will be ...
Gay floods
Gay tornadoes
Gay earthquakes
And, of course, Gay volcanic eruptions!
The signs have already been in place:
- a rash of major hurricanes!
- Planet X/Nibiru has been seen hurtling toward us through space by millions? thousands? hundreds? okay, tens of people !
- San Francisco's Folsom Street Fair is the DAY AFTER!
- Fox News changes
Sean Hannity's time slot to be opposite Rachel Maddow!
- Robert Mueller has
Trump's tax returns!
It's Nibiru, stupid!
Theories abound in YouTube with dozens of "updates" (average number
of views - an astounding 250) and signs ranging from homeless genocide to
"sightings" are scattered like dandelion puffs across the internet.
The science behind Nibiru might seem a tad secular, but look deeper into the YouTube uploads and you'll see God lurking around. The comments are a testament to man's blessed skepticism:
- It's time for us to stop believing bullshit jus cos a mofucker tell u bullshit wiv a straight look on their face
- OLD sh*t FOR NEW MONEY
- i am glad to see that you dont have any subscribes... rlly. I am not negative
perons who want worse for others, but this bullshit cant spread anymore
- For anyone who believes this stuff... WILL YOU PLEASE GIVE ME 1,000 dollars
so I can go have fun with my wife for a few days before Nibiru gets here?
The date of September 23rd is also a magnate for armchair
Armageddon freaks: the alignment of the moon, sun and planets have
alarmed "rapture"
believers and exorcists.
Of course,the Mexico
City quake is fueling the bullshit fires. So far, God's ambulance
chasers are ominously (but respectfully) silent. Just wait.
Pope Francis, of course, is having none of it: several years ago, after a quake in Italy was attributed to civil unions by a local pastor on radio:
The radio station distanced
itself from Cavalcoli's views and the Vatican has issued a stinging
rebuke, saying the idea of a vengeful God was "a pagan vision" dating from "the
pre-Christian era".
Archbishop Angelo Becciu, number two in the Vatican's powerful secretariat of
state, said Cavalcoli's comments were "offensive to believers and disgraceful
for non-believers".
A lignment of the planets, Nibiru or an angry
God, God's Ambulance Chasers have to blame someone, anyone else for the
Apocalypse. Gays are the easy target.
Postcript:
Remember Harold Camping?
"God has given sooo much information in the Bible about this, and so many proofs, and so many signs, that we know it is absolutely going to happen without any question at all. - Harold Camping
It didn't.
See you at the Fair on the 24th.
*Robertson warned Orlando, FL of a meteor striking it in retribution for Disney World's Gay Day.
1
