In Judaism, the Bar (for boys) and Bat (for girls) Mitzvah is a coming-of-age ritual. To become official, do they require a religious ceremony? My surprising discovery after the back story.
It was late afternoon on a sunny Friday in 2023. I was walking uptown on Second Avenue from my apartment building on East 87th Street with my 30-year-old grandson, Jacob. When we passed the Chabad Center between 91st and 92nd streets we were stopped by a Hasidic rabbi and several of his students, "Are you Jewish?" the rabbi asked me. "Yes," I said. And with that, he asked me to put on a skull cap and tefillin (phylacteries) and repeat a Hebrew prayer. I resisted, saying we were late for an appointment. The rabbi pleaded, assuring me it would only take a few minutes and would be a mitzvah (blessing) for Jacob and me as well as for him. He continued to plead and I continued to resist. Finally, because he seemed so sincere, I caved and agreed to say the prayer. He promptly plumped a yarmulka on my head and fastened the tefillin on my arm and head. Although I felt uncomfortable standing in the busy street I repeated the prayer as he prompted me with the Hebrew words.
When I finished, the rabbi smiled and turned to Jacob. "Have you had a bar mitzvah, young man?" A strange question since he knew I was Jewish. In fact, Jacob was not bar mitzvahed. Although his mother-- my daughter--is Jewish his father is Catholic. Jacob and his sister were raised with no formal religious training. But they feel a general affiliation with Judaism and Christianity. On learning this, Rabbi Uriel Vigler insisted on giving Jacob a bar mitzvah ceremony immediately. Jacob looked astonished but then nodded OK to this quirky offer. By now I was curious what a Bar Mitzvah on Second Avenue would turn out to be. The rabbi proceeded with a short service in which he said several prayers and prompted Jacob to repeat some prayers in Hebrew. It was most likely the first abbreviated bar mitzvah ever to take place on Second Ave. Afterward, Rabbi Vigler and his students sang and danced around Jacob.
I wondered if what took place was a valid Bar Mitzvah. Like many others, I was familiar with the typical year-long study in preparation for the elaborate synagogue service followed by a lavish reception. What then makes a bar mitzvah authentic?
A quick check at Chabad.org stated that when a Jewish boy reaches age 13 and a Jewish girl reaches age 12 they are automatically Bar Mitzvahed and Bat Mitzvahed, with all the rights and obligations of a Jewish adult.
To ensure that I understood this surprising news correctly I consulted eminent Jewish scholar Lawrence Schiffman, Global Distinguished Professor of Hebrew and Judaic Studies at New York University.
"Is Jacob now a Bar Mitzvah boy?" I asked.
Professor Schiffman confirmed that Bar Mitzvah status "is achieved automatically at age 13 and a day for boys and 12 and a day for girls" He added: "Bar and Bat Mitzvah are terms for the status of being obligated to perform the commandments. The ceremonies with which we are familiar developed in early modern and modern times and are intended to celebrate this fact. In earlier times, for boys, Bar Mitzvah was celebrated only by beginning to put on Tefillin."
Children of mixed marriages with Jewish mothers and others from secular Jewish families who may regret not having had a coming-of-age synagogue ceremony will be pleased to learn: You are Bar/Bat Mitzvahed.
Mazel tov! Now celebrate.
