Article: Were the Attempts on Trump Conspiracies?

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So someone else tried for a pot-shot at Don,
Not from a roof but from a bush over yon,
His rifle quick-spotted by The Men in Shades,
Making him he flee o'er the Florida glades,
Which must be a let-down for guys so well trained:
No cool Russian plot, just another harebrained.
.
But let's check in with the conspiracy crowd,
Whose hot imaginations spin fast and loud:
Iranians are behind it, and if not them,
The Deep State, Don's ex-, or some bitter Dem'.
How could the Shade Guys let someone get close:
That kid on the roof or this loser verbose?
.
Yet both of those guys seem to be who they are:
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
And would that be the best the powers can do?
Is a pro so expensive that they must eschew
A quality job, one of those Jason Bourne types,
"Paid to be invisible," as his handler hypes?
.
That being the case, here's the message they send:
"Why, ol' Don ain't so bad, he's almost a friend,
But far better it is to make folks believe
That the Estab' with Don is mightily peeved,
'Cause he fights for the peasants who have no yacht,
And plans to rob rich folks of the ones they've got."
.
Now I know what you're saying: "That's thinly parsed,"
But these two assassins were pretty half-arsed,
Took shots after four years of Joe in a flurry,
Which indicates a lack of passion or hurry
On the part of Iran, the Estab', or Hillary C.,
So chuck out conspiracy, and let things be.