Dear Diary:
"God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'" Thank you, Ann Coulter, I couldn't have said it any better. Rape the earth for Jesus. Amen to that sentiment, my priceless priestess Ann. You don't know how long I have wanted to say the same. People are biased against me simply because I'm the devil. Back in the days a male would have been burned at the stake for saying that God wanted humans to have forcible relations with creation. But now days a chick can say things male demons couldn't ever dare express.
As the devil, I absolutely agree with anti-angel Ann's blasphemous mockery. As a scribe claiming to be both a Christian and woman, godless Ann commits double blasphemy by advocating violent violation of Creation. How I do love her line of reasoning, or lack thereof.
Stick it to that promiscuous Mother Earth. That liberal hippie Mother Earth will nurture anyone. She lets anyone breath her air and drink her water. Slap her around. To hell with her feelings or needs. She's a bimbo just asking to be polluted. She deserves what she gets. The siren has been asking for it. Look at how she juts out her mountains, swerves her streams and sways her clouds. Smell the moist muskiness of her ferny springs. Mother Earth is a tease and God wants you to take her down.
But what I truly admire about Coulter is that she is so brazen as to declare that it is God wanting his prize creation raped and not me! Bravo, Ann, well lied. Forget all this nonsense about greed being bad. The love of money is not the root of all evil but is the source of all true earthly pleasure. A lesson that I believe Ann has learned all too well.
When God told Adam and Eve that they had dominion over the earth, God was telling them that the world was like a garden for them to have what they needed. He wasn't tell the naked Adam and Eve to take turns raping the earth. God wasn't telling them to trash the planet because it was a piece of crap and that they would soon be going to heaven if they were good little boys and girls and killed each other in the name of God to get what they wanted.
Of course, what I was able to point out to Adam and Eve was just how much money could be made off turning Eden into a gated community and selling time shares. That went so well as to become the basis for what later would become religion. After all, attending a lot of churches is like enduring the same sales spill each Sunday with the expectation of getting a free getaway to an exclusive resort.
Which returns to the point that the people who most devalue life on earth and talk the most about heaven are also the ones who pass out the sales brochures for expanding my empire here on earth. Many fundamentalists don't mind seeing earth getting raped. After all, they believe creation is evil and must be destroyed. They believe themselves too good for earth. Well, at least many Christians and Muslim fundamentalists do. Both factions act as if they can't wait to get to heaven. The difference arises about when it comes time to go. Fundamentalist Christians say don't pull that life plug no matter what while many fundamentalist Muslims are all too willing to pull the pin on a live grenade.
Dear diary, it is no coincidence that the two religious groups that emphasize heaven over earth are also the same ones who are the most willing to make earth a living hell. Nor is it accidental that the two fundamentalist groups who believe the most in me are the same two factions most responsible for violence in the world today. The more the true believers think they see me lurking in every bush and shadow, the more they shoot at anything that moves. I like it that way. Shoot away, fundamentalists. Keep on doing my bidding. And seductive scribes like Ann Coulter, keep egging on rednecks to gang-rape Mother Earth in the name of God. Thanks ever so much for your invaluable help in helping achieve my objectives of humans trashing the planet and killing each other off in holy wars.
Yours untruly,
Lucifer B. Mephistopheles de Mammon
Tags: Ann Coulter, Environmentalism, Satire, Humor, Mammon, Consumerism
