Podcast: Spreading Kindness: Steffi Black

Broadcast 11/5/2015 at 11:11 PM EST (34 Listens, 8 Downloads, 1377 Itunes)
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Steffi Black
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Steffi Black is an accredited coach and co-founder of Connection Corner, a virtual networking group for women,and creator of Spread the Kindness interactive workshops and presentations focusing on bringing kindness into schools and the workplace.Her chapter, Universal Kindness appears in the just released book, Ready Aim Thrive

steffiblackcoaching.com

VERY ROUGH Interview Notes

Rob: What is your work, your mission

a coach, working with women in transition

talk in classrooms about empowering kind actions

and in corporations, because the adult

on implementing a more caring and compassionate workplace

Rob: why?

we're digitally connected by socially disconnected. Teaching makes it stronger.

Good leaders bring kindness-- the best managers may be strong and tough but not mean. It's important that they talk about the vision" we're all interconnected. Let's create an environment that is kinder, more compassionate and less judgmental

Rob: How do you do that?

It starts with leadership.

CEO of Starbucks offered to send 25,000 blacks and latinos to college, without expecting them to work for Starbucks

It's not the flexibility, perks or bonuses that make the difference is a caring and compassionate workplace.

Rob: So how do you do that?

I was VP of marketing and communications for a healthcare system..

It was important we supported front line workers

Leader in continuum of providing service and care.

share scientific research, plan for a month of kindness

If they want to create a better culture, they need to start with small acts. We need to start in steps.

Rob: can you discuss the Scientific research?

David R. Hamilton: Kindness makes us happier. When we do something kind for someone else we feel good.

The good feeling is produced by

and we get a helper's high

Gives us healthier hearts

Kindness comes with emotional warmth with produces oxytocin, which is heart healthy

Kindness lowers blood pressure

Kindness is good for relationships (authentic kindness) reduces emotional distance between two people.

We're wired for happiness. To survive we had to help each other.

Kindness slows aging-- aging is a combination of stress, genetics-- free radicals and inflammation-- and oxytocin, produced by kind action, reduces free radicals and inflammation in cardiovascular system.

Kindness is contagious when we are are kind it inspires others to be kind.

One study-- reported that an anonymous 28 y/o donated a kidney. Afterwards family and friends of recipients donated

Kindness is aligned with knowing your core values.

Rob: How does that work?

When you know your ore values, what you stand for, whatever you decide are your core values-- when you know your core values, and kindness being one of them, it is much easier in the face of stress, peer pressure, temptation, to stay consistent.

Rob: How do you help people identify their core values?

Most people do what they think they should do. If you step back and think about core values-- it's a powerful revelation.

Rob: How do people identify their core values?

VIA character study-- used by positive psychologists.

honesty, compassion, kindness are core values.

integrity, respect, honesty, respect for indivs, respect for environment-- there's a huge list of core values- ambition, compassion, learning, any value that is a positive character trait

Rob: what are yours

kindness for people and enviro, standing up for others-- so I go to schools and wo replaces, respect for environment and being a good parent of integrity who walks the walk

Rob: was it hard for you to figure this out? Did you go through a process.

I went through a tumultuous childhood. I came to this later on in life.

I was working in broadcasting and lost my job and realized I wasn't living my truth and figured out I wanted to be a counselor or therapist.

Rob: talk about your coaching--

IT's about helping living a values driven life.

Young women in a career and feeling lost,

Young people getting out of school and not sure of where they want to go.

I have training as an intuitive coach.

Rob: What is intuitive coach?

I try to listen--

research has shown that what you loved as a child is very relevant to what makes you happy as an adult-- aim to create a template that gives them core values and purpose and integrate that into a system.

Rob: But the intuitive part

I think we're all intuitive. Solutions f focused coaching is all about the coaching.

it's about good questions. I try to hear the things that they say and repeat over and over again and help them find what they think makes them happy. It's about asking powerful.

Rob: I'd like to get some advice from you on how people can manifest more kindness in their lives

Write out what your core values are: Take 10 minutes and write out what your core values are. If you want to

Daily rituals- are the basis for many spiritual traditions" can be as simple as a minute of mindfulness.

I married a Jewish man, so there's Shabbat on friday. So I asked my children to do a kindness on fridays . It's very simple. Kindness is so simple it's deceptive.

before you speak say to yourself,

"Is it kind, is it helpful, is it necessary?"

write a kindness plan for your family

3 kind actions a week for a month changes the class

describes how she has befriended a 90 year old neighbor. Find someone who doesn't have a lot of people around and make an effort to see them.

Volunteer-- make that part of your life mission-- to one thing every yearn as a volunteer activity.

We talk about kind actions, but it's really about the consistency of them.

Rob: I started assigning keeping a positive experience diary, back in the eighties

kindness changes the neuropsychology

Rob: It changes the filters that we see the world through.

When you empathize kindness in your life

Shawn Achor TED talk on happiness.

Kindness is an aspect of happiness.

sometimes it's just a personalized thank you note.

It's a small gesture.

asking a taxi driver "how's your day?"

Rob: and simply acknowledging someone as a person is a kindness.

taking the time" radically listening

Marshall Rosenberg founder of non-violent communication

Rob: So it can be about giving more than the minimal time necessary to interact-- like spending an extra moment to say more than the minimum

Kindness recognizes interconnectivity.

True nobility rides in being superior to your former self.

I can just treat people with a little bit more dignity.

It's a powerful thing when you treat someone you don't like with kindness.

I give an assignment of keeping a kindness journal to record kind acts.

Rob: How would you have handled that situation (the student who the police officer in SC got rough with.)

How does physical force help that child? How does that school stand in working with the police in dealing with that kind of behavior? Why couldn't kindness training come in? There's a book on very aggressive behavior-- Sticks and Stones by Emily Bazelon, and focuses on a principal who changed a whole school. Police training looks at better ways to deal with this kind of behavior. When I go into schools I never talk about bullying. I'm there to talk about how kindness changes the whole culture.

Rob: So maybe you would recommend that the school and the police be trained in kindness so a culture that is less likely to produce the violence"

I asked a lawyer if anyone teaches people who have committed a petty crime about kindness.

Rob: Where does kindness fit into a culture of toughness, macho and being strong

the best leaders can be strong and still be kind.

Even in a prison system I bet the rehabilitation would go through the roof.

Rob: What are some of the objections to your approach in the corporate setting.

Because I come from leadership and worked with fantastic, empowering leaders

Any increase in compassion and caring will increase bottom line, team morale and productivity.

I base it on a systematic plan. I base it on the employees themselves coming up with the plan.

Rob: That sounds bottom-up Tell us how you have the employees come up with their own plan.

I believe in writing things down. I ask them to take 3-5 minutes to write down what it means to them personally. Then I ask them to write down kind acts. Then they all vote on the kind actions that they agree to do. I have a kindness ambassador and she and I plan out how to implement the one month plan.

Rob: What kinds of acts do they choose.

organize a healthy snack day

have a kindness board

come up with quotes about kindness

write a personalize thank you note to suppliers. (I have a template)

They personalized notes, hand delivered them and then used social media.

Gave out coffee to all the people on the subway

Organization an appreciation lunch

For a colleague's birthday-- get a card and have everyone write one kind thing about the person. Imagine if every person on a birthday at every

Kindness coin jar-- pick a local charity-- put spare change in and at the month give it to a local charity

Rob: Is there a website where you can find ideas like this?

My coaching website steffiblackcoaching.com