BEFORE YOU CONFRONT. If you are upset and rehearsing all the things you are going to say when you see that person, find 10 minutes to do the Worksheet first.
BEFORE YOU LOSE ANY MORE SLEEP . If you are ruminating about something, do the Worksheet for some relief and some movement forward.
Preparing the Worksheet: You can create the Worksheet on any piece of paper. Divide the paper in thirds by letterfolding it. Label the top third "Judgments", the middle third "Feelings" and the bottom third "Needs".
2: Choose one specific incident.
Choose a specific incident and describe it as objectively as you can at the very BOTTOM of the page (the top will get thrown out later).
Even if you are angry or disappointed by a series of incidents, it will help if you choose one (either the most recent or the one that is MOST symbolic of the whole thing).
Let's say the issue is your partner repeatedly not following through with agreements you have made. The most recent incident might be that they did not mail a package they said they would mail for you.
EXAMPLE OF OBJECTIVE DESCRIPTION OF THIS INCIDENT:
Got home and saw the package on the table.
A less objective description would be: "The package was still on the table..." or "You forgot to mail the package" or "Once again, something I care about was not..." etc.
3: Write down your Judgments.
This is the part where you get to vent!
In the TOP THIRD of your Worksheet, write down all the nasty, brutal, attacking, judgmental, self-pitying, analytical, diagnostic, despairing, evaluative judgments and thoughts you are having about the person or incident. Don't hold back (they will NOT get to see this part of the sheet).
EXAMPLE:
So inconsiderate! Oh my god can't take it anymore! Self centered, uncaring, no feelings. Really in trouble this time. Why why why??? Can't trust anymore. Unbearable! etc.
4: Write down your Feelings.
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
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