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April Fools Satire! Tell All Book Explains Seattle KIRO Radio Host Dori Monson's Mental Breakdown

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Mark Taylor-Canfield
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Monson agreed with local business owner David Meinert, saying, "Sawant knows absolutely nothing about economics. She's stupid!"

When informed by his producer Phil Vanderhoof that Kshama Sawant earned a Ph D. doctorate degree in economics from a major US university, Monson claimed that this information was "irrelevant".

Here's an excerpt from his latest verbal attack on Sawant:

"I really think that tar and feathering the council member would be a great thing. I also recommend putting her in stocks outside City Hall so people can throw rotten fruit at her. No, on second thought, now that I think of it, that would be much too good of a treatment for her. She should be run out of town on a rail""

Monson's increasingly insane ramblings have alarmed fellow radio hosts and frightened many children on the street. His recent "I Hate Seattle!" campaign turned off a lot of progressive KIRO listeners who were convinced they were listening to a neo-con shock jock on Entercom's right-wing rant station KTTH.

He's started a national organization called "BanTheSeattleCityCouncilNow.com". The group proposes to pass a federal law prohibiting the Seattle City Council from voting on anything, especially on issues relating to the city budget.

Last week Monson was heard screaming out of the radio station window, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore! The Seattle City Council is driving me absolutely crazy!"

Dori Monson calls the council "a bunch of idiots who think they are socialists." He castigated council members Nick Licata, Mike O' Brien and Kshama Sawant for supporting a resolution calling for Seattle's restaurants to include nutrition information on their menus.

"It's a clear violation of my right to eat whatever I want!" he said on KIRO yesterday.

"Here's yet one more example of a group of social engineers trying to control my personal life. Seattle is a super nanny state where I can't even eat a MacDonald's hamburger without being harassed by these Marxists on the city council who spend all of their time trying to figure out how to ruin my day."

"Do we really want to pay these people to talk about what's in a greasy fast food hamburger? Do we really care what they think? No! I don't give a damn what Kshama Sawant thinks about my eating habits. This proposal is another flagrant example of their idiocy. It is a total wate of the tax payer's money. They should keep their hands off of my dinner table and do something actually constructive for once like putting up a nice family friendly statue outside of City Hall honoring veterans and the Seattle Seahawks."

Monson's tirade continued, punctuated by the sound of breaking glass in the background.

"But instead, these idiots on the council will probably commission a statue of Che Guevara or Dorli Rainy and the Raging Grannies! The Seattle City Council is completely out of control and I'm just sick of it! How did these reprobates get elected? I'm convinced that all Seattle voters are high on recreational marijuana. There needs to be a serious house cleaning at City Hall, and I mean a serious house cleaning, not just around the counter tops and below the cupboards, but way back there under the old silverware in the drawer where nobody ever looks anymore. I'll bet you there are dozens of dirty socialists and anarchists hiding under the kitchen sinks right there inside of the City Hall building and we just haven't been told""

Monson's contention that the city council is controlled by a cabal of extreme leftists is legendary. This theme has been a major part of his attacks on the city's culture.

"I'm done!" he shouted on the air last month. "I absolutely hate Seattle! I hate its politicians, I hate its activists, and I especially hate its constant annoying crowd of hippie anarchist cry babies!"

"Sawant and her group of radicals say, 'We demand a more equitable system! We want rent control and a $15 hour minimum wage! We want to smoke marijuana and have sex with our partners in the street!'"

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Independent journalist, musician and activist.
Contributing Writer - Huffington Post, Truth-out.org, Guest columnist Capitol Hill Times
Blogs at Daily Kos
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