Rantibus: I might point out that university degrees don't necessarily make a person intelligent. George W. Bush has a Masters in economics.
Joe: Yeah, I know. Here's a guy who was born back East to a rich, connected family, gone to Harvard and Yale, and all of a sudden he's a Texas Good 'Ole Boy with the phoniest accent this side of Hee Haw that half the country voted for 'cause they'd like to have had a beer with him. I mean, gimmie a break! Common Man, my ass. But the Joe Six-Packs of this country bought it. And what'd we get? Over ten trillion dollars in debt, half of which we borrowed from China, Russia and the Arabs 'cause we got a President who thinks you can cut taxes and spend trillions on a war without it costing you anything. But hell - half the people who voted for him can't even balance their own check books, have a half-dozen maxed out credit cards and they're either unemployed or work for minimum wage. And these people are gonna talk to Washington about fiscal responsibility? Get real. A lotta Americans want the government to solve all their problems without it costing them anything or involving them giving anything up.
Rantibus: And foreign policy?
Joe: Most of the people who voted for Dubya think going to Alaska is a foreign vacation. And someday it might be if Palin's husband's buddies have their way. These people think the US is the best country in the world, but they've never been anywhere else. They've never worn a uniform a day in their life but they're all for "bomb, bomb, bombing" Iran or staying in Iraq for another ten years. They're the same jerks screaming "traitor" and "kill him" at a Palin rally. Their first reaction to 9-11 was to bomb somebody, right then and there - didn't matter who so long as it was Ay-rab. Their idea of patriotism is to chant "USA, USA," any time anyone suggests that there might be another way of dealin' with somebody than threatening them. They plaster a bumper sticker on their pick-up and wear a flag pin made in China by kid making 25 cents a day and think they're great Americans for supporting a war they know they'll never have to fight. They'll get drunk and rave about how we should use "nukuler" bombs on Iran but you won't see any of these peckerwoods lined up at the recruiting centre the next day.
Rantibus: But don't you think that a lot of this attitude stems from events they can't understand and forces that directly affect them that they feel powerless to control?
Joe: Hell, Mr. Rantibus - that's the whole Bush administration. They didn't know diddly-squat about Iraq and didn't want to learn. They made a whole bunch of assumptions and then had no plan for when everything started to go to hell in a handbasket. The only thing they knew about economics was how to shovel money into the pockets of their rich friends. Everything Bush touched, business-wise before he ran for president went ta crap until his daddy's friends bailed him out. Cheney almost bankrupted Halliburton 'till they got their first non-tendered contract from Big Daddy Bush after the first Gulf War. Dubya ran on the idea of smaller government and now we got the biggest government in the history of the country. He campaigned as a fiscal conservative and we got the biggest national debt in history.
Rantibus: You yourself seem to be quite knowledgeabe about issues.
Joe: Well, I actually read newspapers. I'd reccommend it ta Governor Palin.
Rantibus: So what's your opinion on the McCain campaign's accusation that Obama was a socialist who was going to "redistribute" America's wealth?
Joe: Correct me if I'm wrong here, but ain't government itself about re-distributing wealth? They took our tax dollars out of our pocket and put it in the pockets of the CEOs of the Wall Street tycoons who melted down our economy like a Russian reactor. Alaska's got the Permanent Fund where every man, woman and child gets a check for a couple of grand a year by "redistributing" the state's oil income and Palin raised taxes on the oil companies to increase those checks. If that ain't socialism, then I don't know what is. You can call it whatever you want but if Obama's plan is to let me keep a bit more of my money and have some rich s__tpoke who makes 400% more than me pay a little more, then call me a socialist.
Rantibus: So you're somewhat sceptical about the average man's ability to contribute intelligently to government discourse?
Joe: Well, like I said, there's a difference between ignorance and stupidity. It don't take a Phd. in economics to know that lowering taxes and spending money like a teenager in a whore house with his daddy's credit card isn't gonna work too long after daddy starts gettin'the bills. And then there's stuff like climate change. I mean, who has the most credibility here? A couple thousand scientists who've spent their entire lives studying the thing or some 'neck who doesn't even have a GED whose only knowledge about weather is that he's been on TV once telling some talking head what the tornado sounded like just before it sucked his double-wide out of the trailer park?
Rantibus: So, to wrap up, to what do you attribute the election results?
Joe: People finally had enough of the bull. It took 'em long enough, mind you. Dubya and Dick damn near had to use the Constitution for toilet paper on national TV before most people twigged to the fact that maybe these guys really might not have their best interests in mind. And even a person who has to drop his pants to count to twenty one didn't appreciate it when he realized that the McCain-Palin campaign was not only talking down to him like he was as stupid as a log and even maybe a closet racist to boot, but actually seemed t'be counting on that assumption to wrangle his vote. I think the biggest mistake Palin made was assuming that, in her own words, Joe Six-Pack should finally have proper representation in Washington.Well, we had - for eight years - and look where it got us. McCain assumed we had no memory and Palin assumed we'd all vote for someone who was "one of us" so long as you considered yourself shallow, childish and undereducated.
Rantibus: And yet many did...especially in the South.
Joe: Yeah - well, like another famous southerner, Forest Gump once said, "Stupid is as stupid does."
Rantibus: Thank you, Joe Six-Pack, for being my guest. Any last words for Joe the Plumber?
Joe: Yeah. Get a life, baldy!
Joe: Yeah, I know. Here's a guy who was born back East to a rich, connected family, gone to Harvard and Yale, and all of a sudden he's a Texas Good 'Ole Boy with the phoniest accent this side of Hee Haw that half the country voted for 'cause they'd like to have had a beer with him. I mean, gimmie a break! Common Man, my ass. But the Joe Six-Packs of this country bought it. And what'd we get? Over ten trillion dollars in debt, half of which we borrowed from China, Russia and the Arabs 'cause we got a President who thinks you can cut taxes and spend trillions on a war without it costing you anything. But hell - half the people who voted for him can't even balance their own check books, have a half-dozen maxed out credit cards and they're either unemployed or work for minimum wage. And these people are gonna talk to Washington about fiscal responsibility? Get real. A lotta Americans want the government to solve all their problems without it costing them anything or involving them giving anything up.
Rantibus: And foreign policy?
Joe: Most of the people who voted for Dubya think going to Alaska is a foreign vacation. And someday it might be if Palin's husband's buddies have their way. These people think the US is the best country in the world, but they've never been anywhere else. They've never worn a uniform a day in their life but they're all for "bomb, bomb, bombing" Iran or staying in Iraq for another ten years. They're the same jerks screaming "traitor" and "kill him" at a Palin rally. Their first reaction to 9-11 was to bomb somebody, right then and there - didn't matter who so long as it was Ay-rab. Their idea of patriotism is to chant "USA, USA," any time anyone suggests that there might be another way of dealin' with somebody than threatening them. They plaster a bumper sticker on their pick-up and wear a flag pin made in China by kid making 25 cents a day and think they're great Americans for supporting a war they know they'll never have to fight. They'll get drunk and rave about how we should use "nukuler" bombs on Iran but you won't see any of these peckerwoods lined up at the recruiting centre the next day.
Rantibus: But don't you think that a lot of this attitude stems from events they can't understand and forces that directly affect them that they feel powerless to control?
Joe: Hell, Mr. Rantibus - that's the whole Bush administration. They didn't know diddly-squat about Iraq and didn't want to learn. They made a whole bunch of assumptions and then had no plan for when everything started to go to hell in a handbasket. The only thing they knew about economics was how to shovel money into the pockets of their rich friends. Everything Bush touched, business-wise before he ran for president went ta crap until his daddy's friends bailed him out. Cheney almost bankrupted Halliburton 'till they got their first non-tendered contract from Big Daddy Bush after the first Gulf War. Dubya ran on the idea of smaller government and now we got the biggest government in the history of the country. He campaigned as a fiscal conservative and we got the biggest national debt in history.
Joe: Well, I actually read newspapers. I'd reccommend it ta Governor Palin.
Rantibus: So what's your opinion on the McCain campaign's accusation that Obama was a socialist who was going to "redistribute" America's wealth?
Joe: Correct me if I'm wrong here, but ain't government itself about re-distributing wealth? They took our tax dollars out of our pocket and put it in the pockets of the CEOs of the Wall Street tycoons who melted down our economy like a Russian reactor. Alaska's got the Permanent Fund where every man, woman and child gets a check for a couple of grand a year by "redistributing" the state's oil income and Palin raised taxes on the oil companies to increase those checks. If that ain't socialism, then I don't know what is. You can call it whatever you want but if Obama's plan is to let me keep a bit more of my money and have some rich s__tpoke who makes 400% more than me pay a little more, then call me a socialist.
Rantibus: So you're somewhat sceptical about the average man's ability to contribute intelligently to government discourse?
Joe: Well, like I said, there's a difference between ignorance and stupidity. It don't take a Phd. in economics to know that lowering taxes and spending money like a teenager in a whore house with his daddy's credit card isn't gonna work too long after daddy starts gettin'the bills. And then there's stuff like climate change. I mean, who has the most credibility here? A couple thousand scientists who've spent their entire lives studying the thing or some 'neck who doesn't even have a GED whose only knowledge about weather is that he's been on TV once telling some talking head what the tornado sounded like just before it sucked his double-wide out of the trailer park?
Rantibus: So, to wrap up, to what do you attribute the election results?
Joe: People finally had enough of the bull. It took 'em long enough, mind you. Dubya and Dick damn near had to use the Constitution for toilet paper on national TV before most people twigged to the fact that maybe these guys really might not have their best interests in mind. And even a person who has to drop his pants to count to twenty one didn't appreciate it when he realized that the McCain-Palin campaign was not only talking down to him like he was as stupid as a log and even maybe a closet racist to boot, but actually seemed t'be counting on that assumption to wrangle his vote. I think the biggest mistake Palin made was assuming that, in her own words, Joe Six-Pack should finally have proper representation in Washington.Well, we had - for eight years - and look where it got us. McCain assumed we had no memory and Palin assumed we'd all vote for someone who was "one of us" so long as you considered yourself shallow, childish and undereducated.
Rantibus: And yet many did...especially in the South.
Joe: Yeah - well, like another famous southerner, Forest Gump once said, "Stupid is as stupid does."
Rantibus: Thank you, Joe Six-Pack, for being my guest. Any last words for Joe the Plumber?
Joe: Yeah. Get a life, baldy!
Rantibus: That's it from 'real America.' Stay tuned for competition shoe-dodging live from Baghdad.
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