In another judicial milestone of sorts, the FWM has become the first machine to be deposed in a court of law. After being questioned by Judge Alouitious T. Bonesnapper, Chief Justice of the Illinois Supreme Court, his Honor said "The FWM gave more intelligent answers than many humans I've dealt with over the years."
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World of Talking Appliances: Do We Really Need This?
One unforeseen result of the Buntzel/FWM brouhaha has been a slew of talking appliances soon to be flooding the marketplace. While some are purely functional or safety motivated - from GE's Fridge Friend, "The freezer door is not properly sealed" or Samsung's Mr. Microwave, "Alert! No non microwaveable plastic, please!" and "Don't you kids dare put that frog in the microwave!" - others move into FWM territory with amusing and sarcastic remarks.
Some manufacturers are trying to cover all the bases by offering consumers varying categories from polite and folksy to rude and insulting. Spokesperson Gladys Drekman of Crapper Home Hygiene informs us their soon to be released Tommy the Talking Toilet comes standard with four levels of responses from the civil to the scatological which can be instantly changed by toggling a hidden switch on the back. For level four, their target end users will be fraternity houses, military bases, Boy Scout camps, and Bohemian Grove restrooms. Some examples from Tommy the Talking Toilet level four are:
"Flush me, baby, flush me good."
"What a load that was!"
"Quick, to the scale, you must have chucked ten pounds!"
"I've seen some logs in my day but that was el supremo."
Then there's Uncle Harry the Toaster who sounds like Gilbert Gottfried on Prozac:
"Hey schmendrick, what's with the fork? You trying to get electrocuted?"
"You want it that dark? You need more carbon in your diet?"
Others competing in the new market niche include Hitachi's Intelligent Stove and Oven.
"Yoo hoo, we're boiling over here!"
"Ding! Do you really want to roast your potatoes for 90 hours? We probably meant to input 90 minutes on the old timeroo, now didn't we?"
Renault's Le Washing Machine:
"Oh, but mademoiselle, surly you must prefer a gentle cycle for your delicate lingerie."
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