: Your buses are powered by coal?
: One last question, Mr. Claus. Will ClausCare's corporate headquarters remain at their current location at the North Pole?
X. Claus
: Not powered by coal, heated by coal. They're actually pulled by invisible unicorns.WSJ
: Forgive me, but aren't unicorns imaginary?X. Claus
: Of course, but our oaves don't know that! One should never underestimate the power of credulity to change the world, let alone pull buses. Actually, we've told the oaves they can help the invisible unicorns by pushing with their feet, and we've cut holes in the floorboards to facilitate this. It's sort of ...ponderous I suppose, but trust me, if the buses moved any faster, the oaves would be confused by all the blurred scenery. This way they can all stick their heads out of the window, relax, and enjoy the ride.WSJ
X. Claus
: Well, the North Pole is, in some respects, an admirable location. It's extremely remote and inaccessible by phone or even internet, which makes it ideal from the standpoint of avoiding inconvenient medical claims by our customers. But I'm afraid my doctor (and by my doctor I mean, of course, the entire Health Insurance Lobby) has expressed some concerns about the climate. He points out that the average daily high temperature there is a relatively balmy minus 30 degrees F. and growing warmer (not due to any man-made climate change, I should point out). His recommendation is that in order to avoid fatal cardiac thaw, I should move to the South Pole, where it is a full 20 degrees cooler on average.And as retired Texas congressman Dick Armey likes to say, "The only heart-warming stories we in the insurance business enjoy telling involve hungry cannibals around a campfire."
WSJ
: Thank you so much for your time, Mr. Claus.X. Claus
: Not at all.(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
