I was lying in bed, so disoriented by illness that I could barely grasp the fact that I (my body) was lying in bed. My body was in the grip of high fever and dangerously low blood count (verified by doctor). I became aware of something positioned on the floor at the end of the bed. I raised myself and slowly took in the fact that it appeared to be a monstrously large grasshopper carved from stone. It was about three feet high and about six feet long. Then the upper part of the body of the grasshopper shifted away from the lower part with the deep grinding creak of stone against stone. There was suddenly a horrendously foul odor in the room and I realized that the stone grasshopper was a sarcophagus. It was opening to make room for me. I took in the message that my body would soon be dead.
Then I became aware that something different was at the end of the bed. It was standing upright on two legs and staring at me. There was only dim light in the room, but I could see that it was something like a cross between an insect and a human. It was tall and looked very majestic and grotesque at the same time. It was silent and dark, but radiated immense energy of presence. Then I saw that it had human-like hands that were long and gnarled and yet sleek and had the look of old gold. Its dark deep eyes did not waver in their gaze resting on me. I then became aware of what deep agonizing pain my body was in. My guts were like a writhing fire under the fevered flesh. My only thought was, "So this is death."
I could see that she (I was now somehow aware that it was a she) was coming around the bed and was going to place her reddish-gold hands on my agonized abdomen. Her face was terrible and wondrous at once. But I was keenly aware that I was merely groping in my attempt to understand exactly what I was seeing. Whether she was beautiful or hideous, I could not precisely settle on because such ideas lost much of their substance in her presence, but that she was astonishing and more than hallucinatory figment was beyond question.
She proceeded to place her long hands on my abdomen that felt like it had turned to red-hot stone. Her hands easily entered into this stone and began crushing it into dust. I could hear the stone being crushed in her hands that were unnaturally powerful and fluid, but completely real to me because the heavy pain in my guts was truly dissolving, waning, passing. And she continued until there was nothing left but ashen dust which she then blew away with a suddenly soft force from her mouth. What was left there, to my amazement, was a clean cavity, a seemingly bottomless black opening. A black hole.
When I tried to keep my head up and peer into this opening, I felt an intense, flashing pain at the base of my skull and let my head return to the pillow. Then her hands went into my body again and this time began crushing my spine with the same ease that she had crushed the stone tormenting my gut. She turned the entire length of my spine to dust and blew it away. She replaced my spine with a golden serpentine cord that was one fluid form with no joints. The pain in my skull-base was gone.
I thanked her in my dizziness and she looked at me with an indescribable grin/smile glowing in and out of the shadow that partially obscured her entire form as she moved back to the end of the bed. I smiled back. She spoke directly into my consciousness and said, "The knowledge is now yours. Use it." She began to fade away from sight until she was gone. Then I felt her slithering into my abdomen where she curled up into a ball that became a tiny point of red gold burning in my solar plexus. My pain was gone. My next thirty hours were hours of unbroken sleep.
A week after I awoke, I felt the signs of a flare-up coming on. I remembered exactly what she had showed to me and I focused my consciousness on my solar plexus where she was and I proceeded to dissolve the pain in my body in the way she had done it. This happened twice again over the next months and I was able again to stop the flare-up from happening. Then the flare-ups did not return. I had learned how to generate the heat in my hands that could dissolve my illness and disease. The healing heat had a ruby glow and came from my solar plexus where she was; there was no question about that. That was years ago and the pancreatitis has never appeared again. The doctor was bewildered and had no explanation. I didn't need an explanation.
Once it was clear that the pancreatitis was gone, I began to develop a way of 'meditation' centered in the solar plexus. I don't really consider it to be 'mediation' in any traditional sense because I don't need to turn down ordinary body activities to do it. I use the term 'meditation' for lack of a better one at this point. It was this 'meditation' that led me to direct perceptions about the relationship between body, psyche, and consciousness that I have described in this article.
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