Just when you thought John McCain couldn't be more out of touch, the Republican candidate for president offers this little tidbit of a brainstorm; "We’re going to need a 9/11 Commission to find out what happened and what needs to be fixed,” he proposed on ABC’s “Good Morning America.”
Is this a clear indication that dementia is beginning to or already has set in on the 72-year-old elder statesman? Has he really forgotten THAT much of the events of the past eight years? In true Republican form, McCain once again brandished the 9/11 Trademark and with it painted a solution to the financial crisis in the form of a similar commission.
Honestly, did he not read Without Precedent? Oh no no, sorry, he wouldn’t read such trivial ramblings of those who sat on the commission he touts over and over again that he created, subliminally flashing that searing image back into the collective conscience. No, he still holds strong to the myth he helped create and continues to perpetuate at every opportunity. Fear = Votes. Or maybe, just maybe, a commission of this type is exactly what he wants. I can see how that would benefit the country. Lets think this through for a moment shall we?
First of all, we’ll need 426 days to create it. Then, we must find a truly independent commissioner to head up the investigation. Let's see...Whom could we get, hmm… maybe Elliot Spitzer would be allowed to come out of hiding? No, way to dangerous there, he’s a loose cannon. We need someone truly independent with no vendetta. Hmm... Hey, maybe current SEC Chairman Christopher Cox? He would be a great choice! We can overlook the fact that he was appointed by Bush, a diehard deregulator, and kept a blind eye on the vast financial dark cloud growing ominously over Wall Street during his tenure starting in 2005. He can appoint corporate heads, leading hedge fund managers, and other insiders to round out the commission. As we all know, we get far better results when organizations investigate themselves rather than using know-nothing independent outsiders. Oh and let’s not forget to under fund it and deny them subpoena power. Why get subpeonas? We know everyone is looking forward to fully cooperating at their own behest to get to the bottom of things.
Once established, they will need to request all necessary documentation on past SEC investigations, audit findings, GAO reports, and other pertinent documents for review. We won’t give them most of it. It will be need to be held back for various reasons such as client/lawyer privilege, proprietary information, or it was blown up in WTC7.
We can then have Bernanke and Paulson come in to testify together, with just a select few commissioners asking questions, not under oath of course. There will be no taping, recording, or any public record made of the interviews. It will just be a “conversation” with the committee, not real testimony. Oh and the commissioner’s notes will be subject to review.
I’m sure we can get some executives, secretaries, and other employees to testify about mass corruption, encouragement of lax lending practices, insider trading, and other improprieties to be ignored. Oh and hey, call me a dreamer, but maybe we can even get Phil Gramm to play the part of the fiscal Osama Bin-Laden of Wall Street. He can be hiding out in the liberal stronghold of Greenwich Village where no self respecting Republican would dare tread.
When all is said and done, we can count on a truly unbiased and unfettered written reality into the shadowy cubicles of rogue trading firms and the conference rooms of scheming CEOs. Ignoring the poor and corrupt foundation our current system was founded under. The fact that the Federal Reserve is unconstitutional is of no significant consequence. It really doesn’t matter that we create money out of thin air and give that power to a select few. Who needs real money when monopoly money is working just fine?
Once the commission releases its final report, we can create our new great big bureaucracy to finally fix the problem. We’ll give it a big official sounding title like the Department of Underwriting, Monetary, Asset, and Securities Supervision (DUMASS) to watch all over all aspects of fiscal policy and practices to make sure we are ‘safe’. It can print the money, oversee credit underwriting rules, establish new GAAP guidelines, and flash color codes when it thinks another 500 point drop is coming or major bank failure happens.
Whew, what a relief. I’m feeling much better now about my 401k now.
