Once upon a time, in the Anti-Black Forest of Germerica, there lived an ignobleman kmown as the Baron of Drumph. He ruled his barony with an iron fist (and head), oft declaring to his fatuous subjects that he, alone, could protect them from the twin terrors of Odious Outsiders and insidious Insiders. He assured them that his limitless strength and strongliness (not to mention his immense wealth, which was light years beyond their puny imaginations) had the power to vicariously lift them to the high heavens. All he asked of them in return was that they willingly surrender their already tenuous grip on critical thinking, and let him "cerebrate" on their behalf going forward, to which they drooly agreed.
"I shall teach thee the secret to gaining untold riches," he promised them. "All I require of thou is a measly 1/3 of your yearly harvests."
This seemed to them like a "no-brainer," which indeed they were.
Thereby, the Baron's personal fortune was magnified beyond all recognition, at which news his mob of minions fell gratefully to their already gravel-encrusted knees.
Lavish tales of the Baron's monstrous balls (as well as the other nocturnal revelries that festooned his gilded palace) were breathlessly passed from toothless to nearly toothless mouth throughout the land. Visions of richly adorned knights and damsels in their glittering finery fueled the dreams of his countless devotees, and left them happily heedless of their increasingly dire penury and grinding squalor.
But Baron Drumph was dissatisfied. He now possessed all the gold in the barony, but yet he harbored a sneaking suspicion that his subjects were hoarding cashes of copper and zinc, which he coveted in the vacuum that occupied the space where most people stored their hearts.
"Thou must needs deliver to me thine loose change, else I will be helpless to defend thee from the evil clutches of predacious pretenders, such as that 'Maniacal Moron of Mediocrity,' Sir Joseph of Wilmington."
His loyal followers, of course, dutifully complied.
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