(Article changed on February 28, 2014 at 14:25)
"Your name?"
"Dwayne."
"How did you get here?"
"Well, was looking for an online date."
"And?" asked a majestic Archangel Gabriel with a quizzical look that filled my 42" plasma monitor.
"Well, typed in my favorite singles dating site 'Gates of Heaven.org,' when my DOG jumped up on my lap, waggin' his tail, and dustin' some keys, which keys I knew not."
"And how did you get by our password protection and satanically-hot Firewall?"
"Well, got me. Just played with my lap happy dancing dog and his tail and 'bingo' you popped up on my plasma. Nothing to do with passwords here. God knows I have trouble remembering all these damn, ah -- excuse me, earthly passwords."
"Humh... Lap dancing happy tail, your dog, and my God... maybe a trans-positional problem in encryption. We will have to have St. Matthew, our computer tech, fix this glitch, but he's out playing volleyball with Confucius right now, so this fix will have to be later in eternity."
"Is this really Archangel Gabriel?"
"Yes, but, if you know my rep, I don't think you ought to ask me to prove it. We have been sending you earthlings enough catastrophic messages expressing our displeasure over your treatment of one of our precious pearls. And, unfooorrrtunatelly, more messages are on the way."
"That's one of the things I'd kinda like to talk to God about."
"You get through to me on a once in a gazillion heavenly fluke, and now you want to conference with God? That's doggone godly good," as Gabriel punctuates his words with the slightest of smirky smiles.
"Mom always said, 'If you don't ask, you'll never know.'"
"Your mom says that up here too. As they say on your blue pearl, you are very lucky to 'hang with' good dogs and golden moms."
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