Article: A-Maliki Claims the Decapitated Barzan Laughed His Head Off

Do you remember that night in September? Do you remember the word dismember? Do you remember the reason that the United States of America invaded Iraq in March 2003 despite the protests of Kofi Annan, Nelson Mandela, Prince Saud, Natalie Maines and the Dixie Chicks that it would break up Iraq and lead to a regional war and then Armageddon?

It was because President Bush said that Iraq had nuclear bombs and was preparing to fire them at every American city, and to liberate the Iraqi people from the brutal dictatorship of Saddam Hussein and his half brother he ain't heavy he's my half brother Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikriti. It was to bring democracy, peace and quiet, stability, safety, security, economic prosperity and freedom from torture in the Iraqi prisons to the Iraqi people. In a fit of premature declaration President Bush announced in his National Guard outfit on an aircraft carrier three years ago that this mission had been accomplished. Recently President Bush said that he preferred facing the Viet Cong sniping at him from the frozen trees than the pain he had to endure raising the first twins. "And a comet shall pass in the sky and blood shall rain from the Heavens when the head of Abraham rolls into the Euphrates River" declared Nostradamus in 1534 in Century 21 Quatrain 7.

At the recent marriage of Anna Nicole Smith to the Supreme Leader of Iran Grand Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the Supreme Leader of Iran made a speech. Here is a part of what Ayatollah Ali Khamenei said: "Thank you, thank you very much. Mr. President could you bring me a glass of water please. Rest assured that your demotion to busboy is in no way my way of passing the buck to you for bringing the wrath of America upon our great nation. I want to urge the Muslim world, Muslim world, catchy lyrics no, Yusuf Islam? Maybe go rewrite Peace Train after the ceremony Mr. Islam. What do you think of these lyrics? 'Now I've been happy lately, thinking about the good things to come, And I believe it could be, something good has begun. Oh I've been smiling lately, Dreaming about the world as one, And I believe it could be, Muslim World is going to come?' What do you think Anna? Lets make it our song."

"Let me take this opportunity to clear up some misinformation about the baby daughter of Anna Nicole Smith sitting beside me in the high chair. First of all her name is no longer Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern. Her new name is Fatima Muhammad Allah Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. Secondly the baby of Anna Nicole Smith is my daughter and I have three independent DNA tests in my right hand now to prove it. This proves conclusively that Fatima Ali Khamenei my seventh child is not the daughter of the former lawyer of Anna Nicole Smith Howard K. Stern and she is not the daughter of the baby photographer Larry Birkhead."

Next, the Prime Minister of Iraq Nouri al-Maliki spoke at the wedding. Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki said, "Now Barzan the half brother of Saddam Hussein is really half a brother. Let me make one thing perfectly clear. We in Iraq know how to hang people properly. This beheading was not intentional. Right before the hanging, and we have this on the official video for you all to see on U2b, one of the executioners was wearing a ski mask. As in California its been rather cold in Baghdad recently. Take our heating, please. Anyway as you can see on the video by the white puffs of frost coming out of everyone's mouths due to the chill everyone's neck was very cold and brittle like the orange tree branches laden with oranges snapping under the ice of Mother Nature.

"On top of this, right before the hanging one of the unnamed executioners Muqtada al-Sadr said to Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikriti, "Did you hear the one about Sister Christian?" Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikriti replied, "No." Muqtada al-Sadr said, "Well the group Night Ranger wrote a song called 'Sister Christian'. It immediately jumped to the top of the Billboard 100."

"The song Sister Christian goes like this, 'Sister Christian oh the time has come, and you know that you're the only one, to say O.K., Where you going what you looking for, You know those boys don't want to play no more with you, it's true. You're motoring, What's your price for flight? In finding Mister Right, You'll be alright tonight.' Barzan, we made this the official song of your hanging and the hanging of Saddam Hussein. Lets sing it boys. (At this point the executioners and Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikri all began to sing Sister Christian). Muqtada al-Sadr continued, 'The joke is that when Night Ranger actually sang the song, the words 'What's your price for flight' actually came out as 'What's your price for Christ' and this is why the song went to number one. It was all an accident."

"So Barzan says, "That's as funny as a Kosher Last Supper." Everyone including Barzan began to laugh uncontrollably and it was at this moment that that the trap door opened. As he dropped Barzan's head tilted backwards from laughing so hard and his brittle head and neck severed away from the rest of his body."

"I would now like to take this occasion to congratulate The Supreme Leader of Iran Grand Ayatollah Ali Khamenei on his marriage to Anna Nicole Smith. Congratulations Ali, and thank you for assuring me that you will make a much better puppet master for me than President Bush. Thank you for your advice to have the Mahdi Army of our fellow Shiite Muqtada al-Sadr lay down their arms and camouflage themselves as normal peasants when the Americans come to get them. After they play possum and the Americans see a peaceful Baghdad and leave Iraq for good, then we will teach those Sunnis in Kuwait and Saudi Arabia the true meaning of beheading. Thank you all, and everybody have a wonderful time tonight. Now everybody sing, 'Now I've been happy lately, thinking about the good things to come, And I believe it could be, something good has begun. Oh I've been smiling lately, Dreaming about the world as one, And I believe it could be, Shia World is going to come."