I am a part time idiot and a full time moron. As publisher of EAT THE PRESS - Don't Read It, I promote illiteracy as a Constitutional Right guaranteed by the Constitution and the Holy Bible. It's in the bible, somewhere. The content of EAT THE PRESS is worthless, the value is in the nutrients in the pulp in the paper when one Eats It. Eat It, Eat It - Don't Beat it. As a satirical writer, I composed material for Richard Pryor, Paul Moony, Pat Paulsen, Laugh-In and a slew of dysfunctional comedy teams that are currently in prison. I never knew my mother - she died at childbirth, her own. My father died at the tender age of 9; he was a precociously little bugger. I was raised by my weirdo Uncle, "touch me". Every mourning "Touch Me", would kick me up the stairs, then down the stairs. One morning, I decided to do something about it - I tore out the stairs. But, that didn't stop, "Touch Me", what stopped him was falling into the whole where the stairs used to be.