Andy Borowitz -- Trump Says Sun Equally to Blame for Blocking Moon

Attacking the media for its “very unfair” coverage of Monday’s solar eclipse, Donald Trump said that the sun was equally to blame for blocking the moon. Trump tore into the sun itself, calling it a “showboat” for its role in the solar eclipse. “The sun thinks the world revolves around it,” Trump said. “Sad.” Trump said the sun was a “big problem” that his predecessor, Barack Obama, did nothing to solve, but that that situation was about to change. “It will be handled—we handle everything,” Trump said, adding that a preëmptive military strike on the sun was “very much on the table.”