Live from Florida with Foxy News' own Margie "smartest in the room" Middlefinger

Theme song playing.

Margie:

OK, here we are in Florida.

We're on the boardwalk

Of Woo-woo beach

Within throwing distance of what we call

The little city

Because beyond it, as you might have guessed,

Is the Big City

With bigger buildings

And more of everything. . .

But here there are mangroves

Walking in slow motion into the estuary,

And huge fish beneath the water

That we never see

Except as shadows,

Unless the sun, shining obliquely,

Catches on a silver scale

That triggers a photo-sensitive cell

In the retina of someone's eye

Who is talking about

Selling his condo to the first buyer

Because of rising seas.

And we're just leaving the beach

With "beach tar on our feet",

Heading back just in time

For Happy Hour at a hip brewery

On the boulevard . . .

OK, we're going live now!

Well here we are on the boardwalk somewhere in sunny Florida,

And here comes a tight knit group straight from the beach.

Excuse me, we're doing our show live from. . .

Oh my gosh, that seagull just took your cracker right out of your hand!

Anyway, perfect day here on Woo-Woo beach in Paradise!

How about we start with you, old sir

With the bad burn that

Is probably going to take a few days to heal.

But first, what is your name?

And where did you get that accent?

Old guy: My name is Joe. And I am quoting a Japanese poet, Issa, from a poem by Milosz:

"In this world / We walk on the roof of Hell / Gazing at flowers . . ."

Margie: Excuse me for interrupting. Is your name really Joe?

Old guy: No, of course not. It is Skofhtuvj.

Margie:

Oh, I guess that explains it then.

This is an all-American show

And we only interview

Badmouthed, uneducated, irrelevant Americans.

. . . But now that you have us, Skofhtuvj,

What would you like to tell America, right now?

(Margie slips him a card.)

Skofhtuvj "Joe": "Bacon and I are made for each other. Love knows no boundaries! Don't judge! Just because you don't understand! What bacon and I share is real!

Margie: (Turning to someone else.)

And what is your name sir?

New person: Foglrugie.

Margie: That's a good American name! Not. Can you spell that for us? Never mind. (She slips him a card.)

Foglrugie: "Well, that was a freebie. Pretty much whenever something goes my way. . . whenever I do something slightly moronic: Excuse my naivety. I was born at a very early age."??‚

Random person passing: Can I say something? Is that live? Are you Foxy Margie? Oh, sh-t!

Margie:Yes, we are live, go ahead luv.

RP: I'm not always hungry; sometimes I'm sleepy too. I'm out of my mind. I'll be back in five minutes!

Margie: Well America, that is all the time we have for. . .

RP: Excuse me, can I just say something to our war heroes fighting for our democracy and freedom everywhere?

Margie: OK, we have about 20 seconds! (Slips her a card.)

RP: I don need that. . . .This is straight from here! When everything in life is coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane. And: These are my awards, mother. I live in LA, so things are expensive, so variations on the "I mean it, one banana, Michael"line occur regularly. Pretty much all of them.

Interviewer: Well, that's it Good-bye America, and good luck. And remember: You never know what is coming down the escalator!

(Theme plays.)