If there's one thing struggling celebrities love more than a comeback, it's a conversion-- preferably one that involves a lot of righteous indignations, a tearful declaration of faith, and a sudden, passionate devotion to Donald Trump. The trend is almost biblical: when the career dries up, the gigs get scarce, and the fanbase moves on, these guys don't just reinvent themselves-- they find Christ, declare war on wokeness, and start preaching about the dangers of The Left.
Take Zachary Levi, a guy who was supposed to be the next big thing in the DC Universe until Shazam! Fury of the Gods bombed so hard that even Warner Bros. pretended it didn't exist (proof). And what does an underwhelming superhero do when Hollywood turns its back on him? He becomes a right-wing martyr, of course. Levi, once a lovable goofball, is now out here ranting about Big Pharma, pushing conspiracy theories about COVID vaccines, and endorsing Trump like he's auditioning for a cabinet position. In an absolutely riveting (read: painful) interview, Levi declared his allegiance at a Trump rally, saying, "I see my values reflected in President Trump." Ah, yes. The failed actor standing with the failed coup leader-- truly a match made in MAGA heaven.
Then there's Rob Schneider, a guy whose entire career can be summed up as Adam Sandler's less funny friend who gets thrown into movies out of pity. Schneider somehow managed to turn into one of those people who shouts about free speech while whining that no one wants to hear his jokes anymore. In a desperate attempt to stay relevant, he appeared on Glenn Beck's podcast, begging Elon Musk to save comedy (yes, really). "I couldn't be in a business that hated my guts," he lamented. Rob, buddy. It's not that Hollywood hates you-- it's that nobody's been interested in a Rob Schneider movie since George W. Bush's first term. (Watch him grovel here).
Speaking of washed-up rebrands, let's talk about Russell Brand, a man who spent years as Hollywood's sex-crazed anarchist before deciding to cash in on the "truth seeker fighting the system" gimmick. These days, Brand is somewhere between a YouTube conspiracy theorist and a dollar-store Joe Rogan, spewing cryptic nonsense about the global elite while monetizing every second of it. But wait! There's more! Right around the time that multiple women came forward with rape and sexual assault allegations against him (here's the story), Brand miraculously found Christ and started talking about biblical truths. Incredible timing, huh? One minute, he's dodging accusations of serious crimes; the next, he's telling Ben Shapiro about God's divine wisdom (watch the performance here). Jesus may forgive, but PR spin is eternal.
And then we have the ultimate billionaire man-child, Elon Musk, who keeps trying to prove he's the smartest guy in the room while simultaneously making the dumbest decisions possible. Musk started 2024 claiming he wasn't going to endorse any candidate-- just a neutral, free-thinking genius above it all. Cue five minutes later, and he's Trump's biggest fanboy, showering him with praise and nuking any platform that dares criticize him. Just ask Don Lemon, who thought he was getting a show on X, only for Musk to immediately cancel the deal the second Lemon actually did journalism and challenged him. So much for "free speech." (Watch Musk's meltdown here).
But Musk's worst take yet? His hilarious claim that white people are the real victims in South Africa, a statement so rich in irony that even his own apartheid-era emerald mine must have rolled its eyes. Yes, the literal billionaire whose family thrived during apartheid-- whose wealth is literally linked to a racially oppressive system-- wants us to believe that white people are the ones suffering. Elon, the only thing more detached from reality than your AI girlfriends is your sense of self-awareness.
At the end of the day, these guys aren't actually devout, enlightened, or oppressed. They're just aging celebrities who realized they could make more money by playing the victim. Their transformation isn't spiritual-- it's strategic. Because when your career starts circling the drain, when the box office numbers flop, when the industry doesn't care anymore-- there's always MAGA. There's always a podcast audience desperate to hear about how the world is against them. There's always a "faith journey" conveniently timed with scandal. And there's always a billionaire tech bro willing to give them a platform-- until they ask too many questions.
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