"I will buy a well-trained sheep dog to help me with my caucus." ~ John Boehner
"Same as every year: stay out of jail, stay in my clothes." ~ Lindsay Lohan
"I will remember that my mandate isn't just keeping inflation low but also keeping employment high." ~ Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke
"I will set a DC precedent and actually produce a tangible result from my gun control task force." ~ Vice President Joe Biden
"Performing in movies (other than Trouble With the Curve): yes; performing at GOP conventions: no." ~ Clint Eastwood
"I will make productive use of the HuffPost Divorce section." ~ Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries
"I will continue to do whatever it is that I've been doing." ~ George W. Bush
"I will hire a fact-checker for my next big speech, so every media outlet doesn't have to." ~ Paul Ryan
"I will resist the charms of the banking lobby and use my spot on the Senate Banking Committee to investigate those responsible for the financial crisis." ~ Elizabeth Warren
"I will call a cab." ~ Amanda Bynes, Sen. Mike Crapo, Gerard Depardieu, Randy Travis, Jenna Jameson, Matthew Fox and all the other notable alleged drunk drivers
"When I'm in an austerity hole, I will stop digging." ~ UK Prime Minister David Cameron
"We will finally admit that the truth is not always -- in fact, almost never -- to be found by presenting two opposing points of view and then pointing to the middle." ~ The media
"We will learn that the best way to get rid of deficits isn't austerity but growth." ~ The EU
"If I break any of my other resolutions, I'll do it indoors." ~ Kristen Stewart
"I will realize that I work for the American people, not America's banks." ~ The next Treasury secretary
"Take a road trip with my new BFFs, Barack and Bruce." ~ New Jersey Governor Chris Christie
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
