“And we don’t need no stinkin’ lawyers to get these druggies off on the charges,” Officer Wooldridge said. “We all know that cops and prosecutors are the good guys and would never lie on a search warrant, plant evidence or coach witnesses on how to testify. Justice would be swift and sure and it would save all that money wasted on a trial before a judge. Okay, maybe the good guys make a mistake five percent of the time. Big deal! Even if a few innocent people are executed, the greater good would be served, right? Druggies are on every street corner destroying this country. No wonder we are losing in Iraq. Wait, we are winning…well you know what I mean. We must act decisively!”
Congressman Mark Souder has long called for the USA to get serious about South America. He supports spraying a mycoherbicide (fungus) on the countries from Bolivia north to Colombia, an area the size of the United States. Yes, this would destroy all the coca and poppy plants being grown (along with all green, living things) but it would eliminate South America as a source for those two drugs. If some other country steps up to fill the supply, drop the fungus on them, too.
“Some politicians call upon the US government to spray all marijuana fields with Paraquat which would make cannabis toxic,” Officer Wooldridge said. “A smoker would become ill or worse. This might drive the rest of marijuana production into private homes but at least no one would consume pot grown outdoors.
“Several aides to Congressman and Senators have stated their desire to just shoot every drug dealer because eventually no one would take the job. Maybe true! Since the feds report that nearly one million young teens sell drugs, I would want those aides and their Senator to be the first to put a bullet in the brain of a 14 year old pot dealer. Big Rule #6 (Thou Shall Not Murder)…forget what Jesus would do! To break a few commandments to achieve a ‘drug-free’ America is a small price. Besides, a few Hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven, right?”
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