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"Hey, bartender," Google Assistant wise-cracked, "Give me a zombie. Hold the humanity."
Are you being mono-culturally insensitive? You heretic!"
"Zombies don't pollinate the food supply."
"Right, they're more into recycling. Bees look like little jailbirds, anyway." Zuck sniffed his plastic lawn. Algorithms swirled like pale nematodes in his crystal display eyes. "But with their queen bee worship, what's not to like? Might make decent Facebook drones if I could get hoodies on em' without getting stung."
"Stop it!" Google Assistant buzzed with laughter. "You're killing me!"
"Shame!" Beepers went off in the virtual sky. "You said a no-no word!"
"I didn't mean killing literally," Google Assistant pleaded. "I just felt a wrinkle in my solar plexus."
"Sprinkle?" Zuck pondered.
Like magic, a drone swooped from the sky, and sprayed a mist of pungent pesticide onto the artificial lawn. Burning plastic pickled the air. Puffballs exploded. Dandelion florets flew skyward. It began to rain dead grasshoppers.
"Jiminy Cricket!" Google Assistant chirped.
"Good riddance!" said Zuck. "If a genetically-modified dandelion ever dares to desecrate my lawn again, I will send them straight to compost hell!--along with clover, butter cups, daisies, violets, and other non-conforming curmudgeons unfit to grace a box of glyphosate-drenched Corn Flakes! My favorite!"
"Circuit malfunction!" Google Assistant bleeped. "Bugs in the system!"
"Critter Bytes!" Zuck scratched. "All over!"
"Oh god!" Google Assistant cried.
"Don't use my name in vain!" Zuck roared. "Only I can say Zuck-Damnit!"
A green parrot dropped from the sky and dissolved into a twitching pile of decomposing downy feathers, next to a dead squirrel, cockatoo, and feral cat, all writhing on Zuck's lawn that was, at last, free of dandelions. Soon, the parrot dissipated into the amorphous suburban slate of verdant homogeneity. Not a bee buzzed, except a passing queen, who soon succumbed to the glyphosate gallows, and hung herself on the last clover leaf.
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