Can I trust you? (They laugh.) Good thing we practice safe distance, so I don't have to shake your hand. Peng already worry about me that way.
Trump
I thought you were the Philosopher King.
Xi
Oh, appearances can be deceiving, DJ. Mao said that.
Trump
We have a saying in America Xi: Don't piss down my back and call it rain.
Xi
That a good one. But cut to chase. Why you want end De'tente, Donald? Nixon end 25 years of miserable silence between our two great nations; we talk 25 years while you bomb the sh*t out of Cambodia and Mao's beloved Nam and we stay quiet as omerta code. Now you want to go silent again. Happiness not last long. What give?
Trump
I need to make America great again. So we're gonna go in a new direction, Xi. Pomp calls it Dete'ste. We're gonna hate on you for a while -- until the election's over; polls are telling me I gotta look strong with foreign policy. I haven't enough muscle. I said what about Syria? They laughed --
Xi
I know. I laughed too. Remember I was eating your devil's food cake in Mar-a-Lago when you told me about Syria. What a wild sense of humor --
Trump
I said what about Soleimani? They laughed harder. I said, what about when I went Abbottabad and sent Bagdadi clutching virgins into outer space? --
Xi (crying)
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