President Trump firmly believes, of course, that Fox News is the only television news source that can be trusted, while deeming all other broadcast or cable news networks "fake news".
I wholeheartedly agree with that assessment. Under no circumstances should Trump supporters view, listen to, or otherwise be exposed to "fake news". It would only baffle, upset, and otherwise disorient them. And as we all know, there's no point in wasted thinking.
Mr. Trump has also put forward many novel ideas as to how America should cope with COVID-19 and its many complications. As perhaps the nation's foremost intuitive freelance physician, the president is uniquely positioned to not only "think outside the box", but also, on occasion, "color inside the lines". In short, every single day, President Trump proves to the world that he is truly blessed with both "a good brain" and "all the best words".
My advice to the majority of Republican voters on this score? Do what President Trump would do, and lean in with your gut on this one (especially if your gut is strongly fortified with a shot of hydroxychloroquine, mixed with a splash of industrial-strength disinfectant, and sprinkled with microscopic LED Christmas lights for intravenous illumination). As the president himself once famously asked, "What the hell do you have to lose?" My sentiments exactly!
And by the way, what's with all the masks? Are they REALLY necessary?
Well, yes and no (your choice). But either way, no one ever said masks have to look unfashionably dull and unattractive. Designer Ivanka Trump has just introduced a newly patented, extra-lightweight, nearly transparent mask specially designed for the discerning power player who wants to look strong (and strongly) on every occasion. And if you look closely at the president during any of his recent factory visits and cabinet meetings, you must inevitably conclude that he is, in fact, wearing a mask.
In that same vein [or should I say "vain"?], Ivanka has strongly hinted that an entire new line of men's apparel made from the exotic fabric will soon be available in sizes ranging from "Porcine Svelte" to "Morbidly Husky".
Now one might expect an atheist like me to call for the banning of all evangelical religious gatherings in crowded churches throughout the nation, at least until a COVID-19 vaccine is widely available. Au contraire! In order to renew their faith (and not fall into wicked, godless heathenism), it is absolutely essential that Christians of every stripe find fellowship with one another, whether packed shoulder to shoulder into Vatican Square for a Papal blessing, or sandwiched, cheek-by-jowl, into a behemoth mega-church so crowded the Holy Spirit can't get in!
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